The right way to say goodbye to your Dom
In My last post, I made some observations by way of summarising the year that was 2017.
In it, I mention some people that I said goodbye to and while sad, all those goodbyes were right for Me and the respective people involved.
This week, however, I received a message from another boy that I have played with on many occasions that bothered Me. It didn’t upset Me, it didn’t make Me angry, it just left Me with a tremendous sense of disappointment in the person because I felt I knew him better than that. If he ever reads this message, and I hope he does, then perhaps he will reflect on the right way to say goodbye, but at this moment in time, I don’t hold out much hope.
I am going to save all the gory details and summarise the message in a few bulletpoints:
- I can’t see you now or in the future because I have a boyfriend
- My boyfriend doesn’t like you
- I appreciate everything you’ve done
- But he is more important to Me than you
- So, I will be blocking you forever (this all took place on whatsapp)
- And will have no further contact
- If you don’t like it – well tough
Now, I’m paraphrasing a bit here, but not much. That was the tenor and strength of the message.
It was also sent at 0130 on the morning when he was due to see Me at 1000 the same morning. Presumably hoping I would be asleep in bed.
While I wasn’t in bed, I was heading to bed after a long session. So, I read the message. Read it again. Read it a third time. It was late, but it was more the content of the message and the tone of it that made it so hard to comprehend, not the time of night. And as I say, I was left with an overwhelming sense of two things: silly boy and if that’s what our time meant then probably best it did end.
You see, I am not naïve enough to expect kink relationships to last as long as traditional relationships can last. They often burn 10 times as bright as conventional relationships and therefore can burn out far more quickly.
That’s not to say I don’t ultimately want a long-term kink relationship; I do. I just also understand that most people are nowhere near as committed to this lifestyle as I am.
People move on for a whole host of reasons – yes, relationships; but also new jobs, change of scene; change in life direction and a whole host of other reasons. Fair enough, I say and good luck to you.
An old (and very annoying) manager once said to Me “It’s often not the what, it’s the how” and that statement has stuck with Me My entire life. Maybe it’s the young age of this sub that led him to send such an ill-judged message, maybe someone wrote it for him (because it was quite out of character), maybe he was lost and didn’t know what to do, or maybe he really just didn’t not care about Me and how I might receive his long missive, I may never know.
So, to help the next guy that decides he no longer wants to see Me, here’s a few hints on how to separate from your Dom:
- Treat him like a human being. Whether you’re seeing a Dom furtively outside a relationship or just for a bit of fun, there’s still a human being underneath all that leather. Treat him as such. How would you feel being treated like a disposable commodity? Just be open about what’s going on and honest.
- Phone him. I’m sorry but whatsapp, email and text messages are the coward’s way out. If you feel anything for the person or appreciated their time in any way, they deserve an explanation in the most direct means possible. If not face-to-face then at least a brief call.
- Think about what you are going to say in advance and be human. Doms understand that they are not the be all and end all of your life – especially younger subs – fair enough, but at least try to deliver the message in a compassionate way.
- Leave the lines of communication open. That’s a message to both sides. Don’t block people because you’re worried that you’ll get re-hooked on Me again. Be a grown up and open yourself up to follow-ups.
Even if all it was to you was a bit of fun, and even if that’s how the Dom felt, the reality is that connections form through play and they are still bonds. So, have some respect for the other person. If the 20-hole boot were on the other foot, I would let you down as gently as I could.
So why not afford Me and people like Me, the same courtesy?