One of the deep joys about being kinky is the fact that you are always learning. As people that regularly read My blog will know I often write about lessons I’ve drawn from recent sessions. Where appropriate, I turn these lessons into practical advice that will enable submissives and slaves to play with Me effectively.
Today’s post is one such lesson. On occasion, I play with a guy that is out of his depth. That’s not a value judgement on My part, just a statement of objective reality. This could be because they are either very young, inexperienced or unsure what they are seeking from a Dom like Me.
Rather than bemoan the blindingly obvious: that everyone is different, I thought I’d set out My ideal shopping list for non-clients that I play with. So, here’s what I am like:
- I am a sexual sadist. This means I do enjoy inflicting pain and pleasure on my subs. If you’re just looking for someone to tie you up and tease you, I’m probably not the guy for you. But if, despite Me saying this, you want to experience some of the things I do, be prepared to have your limits challenged.
- I am a sexual being too. If you want to play with Me, you need to be prepared to serve Me in some way sexually. I may reciprocate with you or I may not, it depends on the connection. I’m not just talking about sex, although if it happens, that’s fine. This is especially important for people with partners/husbands. If you are not able to offer any kind of sexual service to Me, you need to tell Me and that will factor into My decision on whether I invite you to come and play or not.
- I expect a lot from My subs and slaves. I will make you work hard during your experience with Me. You will be put to task in ways few other Doms will do. It might be hard work at times, but it will also be an awful lot of fun. If you’re the right kind of sub – see above.
- Fantasy can differ a lot from reality. It’s a hot idea right? Being kept for days or even weeks by some mean, selfish bastard that has no thought or regard for the sub or slave. Yes, it is. But the reality is much harsher. Imagine what it’s like to have all your choices taken away, being in full bondage and unable to move or ‘rescue’ yourself. You have no control and that’s even during breaks or downtime. Think about the implications of that: once you come into My playrooms and until you leave, you are Mine for My amusement. Any enjoyment you receive is very secondary, although of course, I want you to have had a ‘good time’ in the context of a D/s relationship, but that could mean anything from being scared out of your wits to having a permanent hard on.
- I don’t mess around. One thing with Me is that I take everything people tell Me at face value. If you say, for example, that you’re a no limits masochist that’s done every possible kind of scene, I will base the scene I construct on those words. So be honest and realistic about your experience and your real limitations.
In truth, I’m not a mean, selfish bastard outside of play and in it, I’m more of a demanding sexual sadist and Master with a wicked streak or ten. But I am unlike many people that purport to be Masters, so bear that in mind. I am the real deal and I am too much for some people.
So, here’s the test I referenced in the headline of this post:
- If reading this post made you hard, you’re welcome to play with Me: why haven’t you applied already? But:
- If you thought of Me as arrogant, rude, obnoxious or yes, selfish, then please don’t contact Me, we won’t be suitable play partners but I wish you well in your search, nonetheless.
There are a few simple things that anyone can do to make sure they maximise the enjoyment of their time with Me. I thought I’d share a few tips for ensuring your session with Me goes as planned.
Speed isn’t of the essence. On one occasion, the client booked a session for the next day. That’s far from ideal for Me. Being a professional Dom that takes the word professional very seriously, I like to spend time getting to know all My clients. I speak with them on the phone and I have sometimes seemingly endless message exchanges. At the end of this process, once the session takes place, I know My client intimately. So while the excitement around coming to see Me can build up; it’s better if you think calmly about what you want out of a session and give yourself a few days to allow those exchanges to take place.
Be clear on your expectations. I have over 800 items of gear in My playrooms. Over the past 20 years, every time I’ve seen an interesting item of equipment in a scene, I’ve tended to acquire it to do that scene – or My own despicable variation thereof. So the choice is endless. I also try to make every session as unique as I can with the gear I have. That takes a lot of brainpower and it’s one of the reasons why My fees are perhaps too rich for some. I have to plan and fund all the time upfront that is required thinking about sessions and designing experiences as well as incorporating all the time for communications in addition to the time allocated for the session itself. And, unlike many pro Doms, I don’t clock watch. The scene is done when it’s done; not when the meter runs out.
Now, with all that gear choice comes a lot of responsibility. It’s very easy for Me to choose say five items of gear and dedicate a whole 3-hour session to those pieces of equipment. If those five items aren’t intended for the kind of scene you are hoping for, I won’t know until it’s too late. So tell Me what your main kinks are upfront by completing this sentence:
“If you do [xxxx] to Me, I will have really enjoyed the session and want to come back for more.” Or, perhaps the less technical and eloquent: “I fucking love [xxxx]. Please please do that to Me.”
I don’t mind which construction you use, but please be explicit and unambiguous and we’ll get along fine.
You’re the client – but what kind of client are you? One of the big challenges of being a Pro Dom is that some clients want to serve Me while others want to be served. It’s very hard to work out even from calls and messages which kind of client you might be. So think about which one of the two statements below applies most to your expectations:
- I demand. The toughest group to satisfy, you can encapsulate a ‘demander’ thus: “I’m paying for the session, so I want to make sure I get what I want from it above all else. I won’t feel like I’ve had value for money unless I press the buttons I need to press regardless of whether I am allowed to cum or not.”
- Forthright. These kinds of people are used to getting what they want in life and have strong opinions about everything. They have high expectations and don’t shy away from criticism in any form. Sadly, they can also expect Me to be a mindreader or fail to make explicit their key requirements.
- I hope. The motivation of the ‘hoper’ is summarised as “I’m hoping for certain things to happen in the session, but I really want to leave it to the Dom to determine the content and scope of the session. I really do hope He will do My favourite thing.”
- Generally optimistic. They prefer to share ideas than prescriptions because they know that being open as well as expressing their hopes is likely to get them to the promised land of kink.
- I believe. The ‘believers’ really are open to anything: “I don’t have any preconceived ideas of what I want to see included in the scene. I want to hand Myself over to the Dom and let them shape the content. That way, it’ll be a complete surprise to Me what happens.”
- Always positive. These subs believe wholeheartedly in the D/s dynamic and just want to please Me. They would never think of asking for anything and the word demand is not even in their vocabulary. They exist to serve Me – whatever I decide that looks like.
So are you a 1, 2 or 3? There is no point thinking you are one thing when you are actually another entirely. This is not about what you think a sub should be like, but actually what you are like. This also goes far wider than your sub personality; this is about how you think in everyday life – so be honest with Me and yourself and all will be well. Only you know whether you’re a demander, a hoper or a believer. There are potential trade-offs with every type, so just be true to who you really are and we’ll get along fine.
I’m not a mind-reader. I’ve been described as a scary sonofabitch, sadist, generally mean and even compassionate and comparing person. I’ll happily own all those labels. One thing I am not, however, is a psychic. If I don’t know – from you – what you want in explicit and not euphemistic terms, it’s unlikely I will be able to give it to you.
No, really, I’m not a mind reader. I make the point again for emphasis: there’s a difference between giving Me a prescriptive set of instructions (which doesn’t work for Me and I actively encourage clients not to do this) and giving Me enough clues to construct a scene. So by all means send Me links, pictures, videos of things you like and I’ll do My best to incorporate those ideas into your session. In addition, if while in session you become concerned that I may not press any of your hoped-for buttons, for heavens’ sake just tell Me. Remember: Great Dom, TERRIBLE mind reader.
Please see this post as your prospective Master trying to save us both time and ensure you have a great experience – whatever that looks like. I look forward to meeting you in My playrooms very soon.
I’ve already posted a couple of articles designed to address this question, but as I still I am still getting asked this on a far too frequent basis, I’ve decided to explicitly tackle it head-on.
Right, here goes. Asking Me to answer this question before I’ve even got to know you is like you asking Me what kind of ice cream you like when I don’t even know your tastes. It’s an exercise in futility and it frankly, just annoys Me. Clue: I really detest vanilla.
Now, I’m talking mainly to young guys here, so bois: “listen up”. This should not be the first question you ask a Dom. Why? Well, mainly because it disrespectful and it says you think you’re time is more valuable than Mine. Guess what? It isn’t.
There is this wonderful thing called the internet and this amazing tool called google. Whatever you type in its ‘magic letter box’, you will find interesting content.
There are hundreds, thousands, maybe even millions of kinks and sub-kinks that we could end up talking about.
While that might be fun the first time, when you have hundreds of messages coming in every day, it stops being fun very quickly indeed. So here’s a few pieces of advice from a slightly more mature member of the scene.
- Use google. Type in anything you think might excite you and see what comes up. If it’s something kinky like ‘twinks having sex in army uniforms’ and you’ll get relevant results. Or, ‘leather bondage’ or ‘rubber gimp’, etc etc.
- Filter the fantasies. I can do whatever scene you can imagine (except anything relating to blood, scat (poo), adult baby or mess (sploshing). So help Me narrow it down. Heck, send Me links if you like of things you’ve particularly enjoyed.
- What do you masturbate to? Yes, you do it. So does everybody else. So just tell Me what really gets you going. I’ve heard everything before and I’m completely unshockable.
- What do you dream about? If you’re lucky enough to have kinky dreams tell Me about those too.
If you take time to think about the four short points above, we are going to have a much better time when we eventually start to speak to each other. You make the investment in it and I will make the investment in you and the realisation of your fantasies. Seems like a pretty good deal to Me, wouldn’t you agree?
I don’t normally write more than one blog post a week, but this really warrants the breaking of My own rule.
While I consider Myself to be a fairly political animal overall, I have hitherto steered completely clear of engaging in any form of activism or protest about anything, really.
I’ve never attended Pride (guys in tutus scare Me), or been to a Fight the War protest, campaigned for CND or even thought about the little fluffy animals for longer than a few seconds.
I’m not uncaring or dispassionate, I just have a full dance card.
I’ve never felt the need to assert My rights about anything. We’re all subjects of the Crown and all that. Live with it. Even the Investigatory Powers Act was a bit annoying, but I figure, if people want to read My texts about when a friend is coming around to play so be it.
Despite My fundamental disagreements with Brexiteers, I’ve even adjusted to the reality of that nonsense.
I’m officially middle-aged, never had so much as a Police caution and the idea of going before anyone that resembles a judge fills Me with total and mitigating dread. Criminal mastermind I most certainly am not.
That said, I’ve become aware of some impending legislation that so encroaches upon My lifestyle that I am going to have to take a stand, as miserable as that is likely to make Me. So yes, you can now call Me, ‘The Reluctant Activist’.
I’ll leave the technical details to experts in the field like Myles Jackman, the lawyer that specialises in defending people accused of committing acts of obscenity and the like. His website (mylesjackman.com) offers some very useful guidance on recent legislation. It’s worth reading his site to understand exactly what the laws permit and disallow.
So what’s happening that has irritated Me so?
Well, not content with deciding that we can’t play the way we want to (nothing but trivial/trifling acts of CP, nothing that gives the appearance of being injurious to health – aka, life-threatening, and so on), the Government has now decided that it’s perfectly within its rights to demand that all people that consume pornography must prove their age by some as yet, unspecified age verification service with unspecified costs and implications.
Soon, us kinksters partial to the odd ‘naughty video’ will have to hand over the kind of ID they ask for in a bank just to get through the ‘Great Firewall of Theresa May’.
What’s even worse is that anyone that signs up to these age verification sites will have no right to keep that information private because it will be stored online by third parties and presumably accessible by any law enforcement agency or private enterprise that’s bored and wants a few easy hits on the Gay community. Because let’s face it: us gays watch A LOT of porn.
Essentially, if you think about it, the Government, in its Digital Economy Bill, is going to create a second kind of private sexual offences register for anyone that likes to watch anyone else having ‘rough sex’. So that’s pretty much any gay man then.
And, anyone that watches porn could find themselves on it because let’s face it HM Government isn’t best qualified to determine what’s appropriate or regulate that activities of My bedroom or My playroom.
Aside from the practical limitations of enforcing such a ‘Great Firewall’, it sends chills down My spine that a so-called democracy like the UK, should seem intent on taking away civil liberties in such an idiotic and ill-conceived fashion using ‘protecting the kiddies’ as it’s wafer-thin justification. It must be easier to regulate peoples’ bedroom activities than catch terrorists.
While it may get stopped at the pass like the attempts to ban poppers or may go down in history as a piece of legislation as bad as the Dangerous Dogs Act, I’d rather it never got on the statute book in the first place.
I’m not talking about child pornography. It shouldn’t need stressing, but I will anyway for the hard of understanding, that I make a total and unambiguous distinction between the disgusting and morally-reprehensible, such as child pornography, bestiality, etc and the kind of material the right-behaving (if pervy) minority consume that’s filmed between consenting adults and viewed by other consenting adults.
Of course, we should be protecting children from seeing things they shouldn’t see, so how about we start by banning Facebook, YouTube, SnapChat, etc. etc. After all, that’s what’s making our kids grow up so fast, not porn.
Hell, for that matter let’s not just ban porn, let’s ban the Internet in the UK as a whole and see where that gets us in world economic standings.
After all, whatever measures the Government puts in place will only act to criminalise normal behaviour even further. And those kids, being on the whole way more technically literate than us adults, will just find ways around the laws.
So, in reality, they won’t be protecting children, they will just be demonising law abiding, tax-paying citizens, who enjoy the kinky side of life and cause no harm to the wider society as a whole – unless they wear those damn aforementioned tutus of course.
It seems so disappointingly sad and so deeply retrograde that as films (as terrible as they are) like 50 Shades open up society’s understanding of kinky sex and make it easy to discuss around the dinner table, and as legislation supporting same-sex marriage beds in, the Government once again is trying to get busy with Me in my bed.
And, I’m not talking about the kind of fucking I enjoy.
The first thing to go when a free society becomes a dictatorship is the ability to consume pornography without looking over your shoulders.
We should all – gay, straight, monk, gender-flexible, broom handle, whatever – do everything we can to stop this legislation ever passing through parliament.
So Dear Government, would you be so kind as to do me a favour, and get the fuck out of my sex life once and for all?
To put My ‘Reluctant Activist’ chops to the test, I shall be attending the #KinkOlympixxx Protest on October 17th outside the Houses of Parliament between 12 and 2pm.
If anyone sees Me there and recognises Me – for God sake come and talk to Me. For once, I shall be a virgin again: protest virgin, so be gentle.
I’m told there are going to be kinky people there and you know what, I’m told that I should be scared of those kinds of people. Or at least, that’s what I’m supposed to tell the kids. What utter, unmitigated, clap-trapping, cods-walloping, rubbish.
As well as Myles Jackman’s website, please take a look at the following websites:
- Digital Economy Bill: https://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/bills/cbill/2016-2017/0045/17045.pdf
- Backlash (Kink Olympixxx): http://www.kinkolympixxx.com/
- Open Rights Group: https://www.openrightsgroup.org/blog/2016/overview-of-the-digital-economy-bill-2016
- Xbiz: http://www.xbiz.com/news/212809
A TV and musical post-script
I recently heard two quotes from popular culture that made Me, as an unashamed kinkster, stop right in My tracks. I offer both perspectives for your consumption below and make absolutely no claim to copyright. I hope the owners will appreciate that I am sharing these clips to support a point, not to glean commercial benefit. However, if either or both want me to remove these posts, I will do so without a moment’s hesitation.
West Wing on Privacy – Talking about the next 20 Years: How right they were
Edward Snowden talking about our collective duty to take our privacy seriously
In recent weeks, I’ve been asked what are my favourite things to do to a sub or slave about 100 times.
It’s actually driving Me a bit ‘potty’, in fact. Not least because most of my communications take place over messaging apps and only Grindr lets you save phrases for re-use (Recon et al please note!). So imagine Me having to type out an abridged version of this post every time I’m asked that question, small wonder my hands are aching.
I’ll be honest and say that I’m not a massive fan of this question.
After all, when you have over 700 items of gear and some quite unique equipment to boot, and you play with maybe 200-300 people a year, it’s hard to say exactly what My favourite thing (or more technically speaking, ‘scene’), is.
Inevitably, I find myself drawn to the rather non-committal and potentially unhelpful response of ‘it depends on the sub’.
But in a bid to develop a ‘definitive’ answer to this damn question, I thought I’d offer some fairly robust views on the topic. Of course, it could change, but you can bet that if asked this question, I shall be directing people to this blog post.
Everything I do involves some kind of restraint – either mental (act as if you’re in bondage – don’t move until I tell you, slave positions, etc), physical (metal, rubber, leather or rope) or sometimes furniture (stocks, bondage benches, and so on).
I love bondage. In all its forms and fashions. Back when the Big Bang happened (start of the universe) and I was a sub, I couldn’t really take even a severe CP session seriously unless I was properly tied down. But as soon as the straps when over my back, I was ready, like a thoroughbred in the stalls at the Grand National. You could have done your worst and all the pain would have turned into pleasure.
Now, as well as an experienced Master and pro-Dom, I’m a sexual sadist. These are words that you don’t see in print or on the Internet too readily. For reasons of well, total lack of societal acceptance. What I enjoy, however, is the infliction of pleasure and yes, sometimes that can also involve – shock horror – pain.
I make a massive distinction between consensual activity and either sexual violence or just plain abuse.
One of the most disappointing opening gambits for Me is when a prospective sub says they ‘don’t like pain’. I have to bite firmly on both lips so that I don’t respond with a curt or sharp, neither do I, reply.
I think pain gets a bad rap. I’m not talking about the kind of pain that one experiences when one stubs one’s toe and says things ‘like oo bugger one felt that’. I’m also not talking about the pain that comes from having your teeth drilled without local anaesthetic (unless you’re a dental fetishist, of course).
So let’s re-brand pain as sensation for a second. There are soft and hard ‘sensations’. Soft feels like a tickle, or a gentle warming. Hard feels sharp, stingy or thuddy, but it’s fleeting and the post sensation buzz far outweighs the short term discomfort. And yes, hard sensations can be challenging, but it’s not like being in a car accident.
So you’re tied down, and you’re experiencing some kind of sensation. So that’s it right?
Nope. I’ve written the most delayed of ‘delayed drops’ (as us writers like to call them) because really, my favourite thing in any scene is to take control of the sub or slave absolutely and without mercy.
So, when someone asks Me what my favourite thing to do in a scene, I will say ‘Total Power Exchange’.
Why? It’s quite simple. I become the guy who rubs the lamp and when the genie grants him three wishes says his first wish is for unlimited additional wishes.
Every imaginable scene, session or fetish is executable once you have TPE.
Once you have total control over the sub or slave, you can technically ‘make’ them do whatever you like. This is called, consensual non-consent. It can sometimes manifest as a ‘No, please Sir, no more’, kind of vibe, which translates as ‘More, please Sir, oh God, please More’. Confusing for the observer but that’s why us kinksters have safewords.
Once I have TPE, I can use a process of consensual non-consent to ‘subject’ the sub or slave to whatever I wish. They should then enjoy it. I’m not discounting all my previous writings about safewords and limits, by the way, but when it comes down to it, Total Power Exchange is the gateway to realising all of my favourite scenes, and that’s why it’s My ultimate ‘favourite thing’.
I’m sure I’ll still get the question every day, but at least I can just cut and paste a link and save my poor hands.
I recently wrote a blog that focused on taking subs and slaves to breaking point: that is to say the point at which the ‘victim’ can take no more of the teasing or torture and is now putty in My Dominant hands.
Of course, if you do not want to reach this point of total submission (and some might say liberation), the time-honoured solution is to use a safeword. This gives both the submissive and the Dominant partner in play the confidence to play ‘on the edge’ without taking an unnecessary or uncalculated risk.
As an aside and general rule, players that identify as slaves by their own preference do not get safewords after their first session with Me (even slaves get safewords when they first play with Me just so I can confirm if they really are a slave or a sub).
Now, for the sake of anyone and everyone that comes and sees Me for a session, I operate three main safewords: Amber, Red and Green.
Given the similarities with traffic lights, I’m going to draw on analogies from the world of cars to illustrate how My safewords work in practice.
- Amber is like the brake pedal. This enables the sub to slow down the scene when the intensity is becoming that little bit too much to bear. It doesn’t bring a halt to the scene, but it does give the sub the opportunity to enforce a break point so that they can regain their composure and continue with the scene without using the more severe ‘Red’ safeword.
- Red is like the emergency parking brake (or handbrake as it’s known in the UK). It stops a scene dead in its tracks. This may because we have inadvertently reached a sub’s hard limits or the compound effect of the scene has simply become too much. Contrary to popular belief, even a Red does not have to result in a permanent end to a scene, but it can. Whether I resume a scene really depends on how the sub is feeling, their ability to cope with what’s happening to them and of course, my reading of their true emotions and state of mind borne out of more than 20 years of play and a background in human psychology.
- Green is the accelerator pedal (or gas pedal in the US). I think I am the only person in the scene that has a safeword that allows the sub to say that, in essence, they want MORE. But in my opinion, it seemed a logical extension of the idea of having safewords. Some subs want to speed up a scene to get to the more intense points and Green gives Me and them the opportunity to have that happen without breaking the flow of the action.
So those are my safewords. The next question is obviously: ‘When is it acceptable to safeword?’
Now that is a very interesting question and will significantly extend the length of this post.
First of all, it’s worth noting that many of my clients come to Me with a desire to serve, and ultimately, please Me. That’s very laudable and after all what the D/s (Dominant/submissive) is supposed to be all about.
HOWEVER, I would rather someone use their safewords than worry about disappointing Me in all honesty. Few reasons:
- The sub hated what happened. This is very rare, but if the scene was, in its entirety, too extreme but the sub felt they could not safeword out of it, they are pretty unlikely to want to see Me again.
- New play partners need calibration. Whenever I agree to meet a professional client, I take great pains to get to know them over email, messaging and often, phone calls. This is a time-intensive and sometimes laborious process designed to get inside the head of the submissive client. However, even with all this pre-work, it can still not be immediately obvious how far and how strong the sub wants Me to play. So safewords, particularly Amber and Green help me gauge true limits, tolerances and yes, even courage of each individual with whom I play.
- There’s never any shame in using a safeword. Let me say that again: there is NO SHAME in using a safeword. They say that the best lessons come from our mistakes and in my many years of play, I’ve made enough that I’ve become adept at reading most situations. That said, I find that the use of safewords precipitates a much deeper and more profound dialogue with My clients that helps me get to the true core of their fantasies and desires.
So please, use your safewords and use them with pride. My belief is that once I’ve played with a client enough times, safewords become largely redundant, but if you do not have the confidence to use them, I’m never going to really know what your true limits are.
Important: If you’ve been asked to read this blog before you play with Me, it’s because I’m looking forward to meeting you and I think we could have a strong connection. That said, I’d rather you don’t come and see Me if you can’t be bothered to read this post several times and fully grasp its contents.
One of my many proclivities is that I really enjoy playing with younger (18-25) year old guys for fun when I’m not seeing clients and on those rare occasions when I have spare time on my hands.
I’ve seen a number of younger guys/pups of late and for many reasons, while fun, the sessions have not always gone according to My plans.
Now, I’m not the kind of person to disappear into a deep well of introspection, but I find My writing often helps Me process what might be happening. In this case, I hope this post will help Me put in better plans and processes for playing with younger guys in the future.
Being a ‘slightly over 40’ year old, I can still remember how unsure of Myself I often was at that age. Some memories still carry with it some pain, in fact, and not the nice kind.
Neither My personality, nor My fetishes were fully-formed and I didn’t really know what I wanted to be career or relationship-wise or for that matter, in the scene. Somebody once told Me something, which although only partially true did help Me in my earlier life. He said: “Remember what you knew at age 21, that’s the right stuff. People will then spend the rest of your life telling you that you are wrong. Ignore them.”
This piece of sage advice only really came to mind after three successive sessions with younger guys that while fun in parts really didn’t inspire Me in the way other sessions have. That’s a problem for Me, because, you know, being mid-life I half has as much life to live as you guys do. Frankly for that reason alone, you’re all bastards. But bitterness aside (sic), back to my post.
I am at that age (read: middle age) where the personality is pretty much baked in. I’m not going to change what I like – either in or out of the scene – nor am I going to change My expectations of what I expect from subs and slaves. So that really just leaves those young guys to reflect and change how they play.
I recognise that if you don’t know yourself all that well, it’s going to be hard to adjust your approach to enjoy playing with an experienced guy like Me, but you can at least try.
Questions to ask yourself before you come to see Me
So here are a few things to consider before you request a session with Me.
1. What do you really want to achieve out of a session with Master Atmydisposal? Are you seeking a Daddy, a tough unforgiving Master, a sexual Top, someone you can experiment with or something else? Take some time to think about this, please. I’ve played with hundreds of guys at all ages, so I know what I enjoy. While I’m an unabashed sexual sadist, I enjoy a tender kiss and a hug just like the next guy.
2. What do you want a scene to contain? I get that you want to experiment and hopefully we can do that together, but if there’s a total disconnect, you really are wasting My time and yours. If you want someone to give you an ‘aggressive cuddle’, just say so. If you want to ‘try everything’, please be realistic. I have over 700 items of gear in My collection, no one is ever going to get to try everything. Also, if you just want a quick blow job or to be wanked off, please go somewhere else.
3. What are your real limits? Be honest; don’t be over-brave. So many younger guys announce proudly to Me that they have no limits and will do anything. Of course, they are being led by their ever-hard cocks. Now, I’ve heard this a million times before and it’s rarely – if ever – true, but in the hunt for the perfect slave, I can get drawn into going along with this on occasion and it often leads to disappointment. It’s far more honest to say what your limits are and what you are comfortable doing REALLY, I mean REALLY. If there are any things you know you really do not want to do (oral sex, swallowing, rimming, pain, etc) please tell Me in advance. It’s not appropriate to withhold information because you are worried you won’t be invited to My playrooms; it will only lead to disappointment for us both. Ask yourself a few key questions:
- Are you into one particular fetish more than others?
- What kind of porn do you most enjoy?
- Do you like pain and if so, to what levels?
- Is being tied up the extent of your fetish?
- Does anything scare you?
- Am I out of your depth as an experienced player at this moment in time?
4. Do your research. There was a time – yes, before the internet – when you had to go into a sex shop (or your local newsagent) and pick up a porn magazine and hand over hard cash before you could enjoy your own personal fetish. Today, it’s there, it’s everywhere and it’s ripe for the taking. So DO YOUR RESEARCH. I’m too busy to do your thinking for you, so go have some fun and see which kinks arouse you the most, then tell Me about them. If you can’t be bothered to do the work, I really can’t be bothered to see you, sorry.
5. Check out my sites. If you like anything on my tumblr blog, which is http://atmydisposal.tumblr.com, or the content on My website http://www.masteratmydisposal.com, the chances are we should get along in a scene. Don’t worry if anything is beyond your current limits, that’s to be expected. But if you look at My sites and feel physically ill or just not turned-on, we’re almost certainly not compatible.
6. I’m not your therapist, but that’s not the same as saying I don’t care. I’m actually on the fence about point 6 Myself, but I mention it here because while I have a background in psychology, I really don’t have time to get into the life story of every sub I see. So my advice, if kink is important to you and if you want to see Me, please get your head sorted first. This may sound callous, but I play with younger guys for pure fun and amusement as well as something nice to look at it. The last thing I want is to pick up the pieces of your ‘broken’ life. That’s not to say I don’t care; more that I’m not best placed to help. So please, if you’re in any doubt go talk to someone professionally to get you in the right frame of mind.
There are people slightly older than you that have to pay to see Me, so you should count yourself lucky that I offer free sessions for anyone under 25. I’m therefore going to make it a requirement that people have read this post inside-out and back-to-front before booking a session with Me. I’ll probably also refine and change it as My insights into playing with younger guys gets more honed. So take the time to read the above and if you’re serious about seeing Me, let’s chat about this post too.
Last edited: 27/09/16
While I sometimes watch people nervously hovering around my front door, in reality one of the hardest barriers to visiting a professional male Dominant is mental rather than physical.
The idea can carry with it a whole gamut of emotions from embarrassment and shame to a giddy excitement that finally, all your fantasies are going to be realised by someone that really knows what they are doing.
The giddy excitement part of the spectrum is probably far less exciting – if genuinely flattering to Me – than say the more negative emotions at play in some subs, so for now let me focus there.
The ‘embarrassment and shame’ end of the spectrum tends to arise from a feeling that subs and slaves should be able to get their needs met from the ‘free’ world of instant hook-ups and online fetish sites.
I have thought long and hard about this and while I can fully empathise with that perspective, I simply don’t share it. Let me tell you why.
While I can’t speak for other professional male Dominants, with me, seeing a Dominant is manifestly an entirely different prospect for many different reasons:
- I customize the content of the scene to suit the desires and fantasies of the clients without jeopardizing the integrity of the Dominant/sub dynamic that lies at the heart of the fetish community.
- I will also dedicate all My time and focus to the sub or slave in front of Me, which means that unless the scene requires the sub to be ignored, I will be laser-focused on the sub/slave/client’s needs.
- When I’m in session with many of my subs and slaves, I tend to take on a role of teacher and therapist. I recognize that this could appear somewhat patronizing, but experience has taught Me that many people come to My chambers to exercise their kinks and exorcise some of their demons.
- I spend a great deal of time ahead of sessions getting to know each of my clients. That also includes everything from face-to-face coffees (if they’re close enough), long-term message exchanges and late-night phone calls.
- Aside from how I conduct myself before a scene, I also pay special attention to cleanliness and safety concerns.
Having worked in the corporate world for the best part of 20 years, I made a conscious decision to apply the same professional disciplines to how I am with my Pro-Dom clients when I started. So you can be rest-assured that when you go the pro route, you won’t just have the equivalent of a free session, you’ll have a much more exciting, engaging and memorable time than almost any amateur Dom could provide. Arrogant? Perhaps. True? Most definitely.
There are times when a sub or slave says to me (usually nervously) “Sir, I want you to break me”. For the uninitiated, the sub is referring to that point where they go beyond all their previous limits. I don’t want people thinking that every session of mine is about reaching this limit, because it is not. But in the scenario I’m discussing here, the play has been so intense that the sub or slave has been tested, been able to progress beyond their usual limits and is now in unchartered territory.
The moment when the sub reaches the B Point can be feel like he’s adrift in an endless sea –just floating aimlessly and without a life preserver.
It is unnerving. The sub is exposed and vulnerable possibly for the first time in a long time because up to this point, they have submerged their emotions just to get on in life from day to day. Often, they don’t expect the intensity of the feelings that emerge. I’ve seen anger, despair, joy, relief and everything else you can possibly imagine.
At that point, they are frightened for so many reasons, yet open and receptive to anything I might choose to do them. Or they may close up emotionally and seek to protect themselves.
You see breaking someone in a BDSM context is not about hurting the sub per-se, it’s about doing a full mind and body reset. What I do is not violence.
Think of this process like an electrical system. If too much electricity passes down the wires, circuit breakers are tripped and the power goes off. It’s exactly the same with getting a sub or slave to the Breaking Point.
The pain and the stimuli are built up over time, slowly and gradually or fast and abruptly.
Inevitably, the subject reaches a point where they are unable to take what’s happening and all the usual coping mechanisms are beginning to fail. The sub’s fuse box (brain) overloads and the ‘reset’ is complete.
One of the more beautiful aspects to this is that because they are exposed (and reset), all of the many layers of adult protections and coping mechanisms just melt away.
I play with guys of all ages, but in my experience the response as they reach this point is very similar. The head goes down, the body language shifts and the person either tenses up or goes into a form of ultra-relaxation (a zen like state some people call subspace). Whether they become tense of relax is really down to the individual’s make-up and how open they are to the kind of experience they are about to have. If tense, the person may want to get the hell out of Dodge and fast. If relaxed, every touch at this point will feel electric and ecstatic.
It can be as if the sub is back to being a child before they became beaten up by all that the adult world chose to throw at them. Divorce. Job loss. Grief. Money worries and debt. Failed relationships. If we’ve reached a certain age, we’ve all experienced at least some of these things and yes, we long for a time when we can just be there in the moment and experiencing life without worry. Just like a child.
In this way, reaching the Breaking Point can bring about a palpable catharsis – whether they’ve reached that point through pain, intense stimuli, a mind game or something else like just the sound of my voice as I threaten them with ever more intense sensations.
What happens after the sub has reached the Breaking Point is always interesting too. Subs can feel such pride at having experienced such an intense set of sensations that they leave me feeling and looking like they’ve won a medal. The smiles are often beaming and I’m usually very generous with the hugs and reassurance. It’s a privilege to witness this moment as a Dom, no matter how apparently heartless you have had to be to get the sub or slave to that point.
It can cause serious levels of introspection and reflection. Yes, it can also cause a sub to decide not to return to Me again (but that is rare, what’s more common is that we talk about what happened and what triggered it).
Often these reflections continue days and weeks later.
You see good play is like good therapy: it helps people feel stronger and more centered in every aspect of their life because for the first time in a long time, they can once again be that happy go lucky version of themselves without a care in the world, just feeling in the moment and yes happy. Once again, they are letting themselves feel true emotions and after all, isn’t that what being alive is supposed to be about?
If you were to ask me why I love BDSM so much, it’s for times like these when I have someone’s spirit in my hand and I’m sharing such an emotional and healing moment. It doesn’t happen every time, some people just have their fun and leave, but when it does happen, it makes Me feel eight foot tall and proud of what the sub has achieved.
This is going to be a very self-serving post on my blog. But you know what, I make absolutely no apology for what I’m about to say even though I fully acknowledge my bias and interest. Why? Because I think this is a point that needs to be made.
As usual prior to a session, I chatted with a client on the phone yesterday for about an hour and he re-raised a point that I made to him in an earlier exchange. That is: it really is OK to see a pro-Dom.
First of all, there is no shame in choosing to see a pro-Dom. In fact, park the idea of shame and don’t even give it a second thought. Second, seeing a professional Dominant, such as myself, who has many years of experience and that has seen hundreds of different guys, ensures a high calibre, safe yet challenging experience. We’ve made every mistake it’s possible to make a long time ago. And third, the best of us invest in our passion way beyond that of even the keenest amateur – basically, we have a lot of gear for subs and slaves to try. In contrast to what you might be feeling as you read this, choosing to see a professional can actually be a far better decision.
The advent of instant hook up and dating apps can make anyone feel inadequate even Me (ok, well not that often, I am a Dom after all). It can look like everyone but you is getting it on tap. But trust me: while that may look like the situation, in reality so many play sessions end in last minute cancellations, excuses, mismatched expectations and generally the sense that they would’ve been better spending the money for the train ticket on a nice bottle of wine and an on demand movie. I’ve even had subs that tell me they’ve deleted their profiles on these apps in favour of good old fashioned meetings with people like me and attendance at events.
I have nothing to prove; I know I am good at what I do and can turn my devious mind to ‘inflicting pleasure’ on any client. Whereas many amateur Doms and Tops don’t live the lifestyle and are therefore still learning and finding their feet; with a true lifestyle pro-Dom, they have a coda and deep understanding of the D/s dynamic and how to make it work for both parties.
Why else people choose to see a professional Dominant
Clients also choose to see a pro-Dom for a multitude of reasons:
- Safety. Some clients feel safe knowing that a pro-Dom like me takes matters like safety, scene negotiation and aftercare very seriously indeed. Everything is cleaned to hospital levels and general standards of hygiene are very high.
- Good business. We have a vested interest in them having a good time – as we hope they’ll book again.
- No pressure. They don’t have to worry about how they look, what’s going on in the ‘real world’ or anything else. They can hand over power to us and not be concerned about the risks.
- Really no pressure. While all my subs and slaves do their best to impress me, there’s not the same pressure to ensure everyone is having a good time. Although frankly, I always do have a good time with my clients.
- We don’t judge. A pro-Dom makes no judgements as to why a person has the fantasies they have or the kinks they hold dear.
- We want you to have ‘fun’. Amateur Doms tend to be purely interested in their own needs; the needs of the sub are somewhat secondary and while this can be a very arousing fantasy, in reality if none of the sub’s boxes are ticked, they’re not going to want to play again with that Dom.
- We work hard. And because we always want to have long-term clients, we do our best to make sure that a scene meets the client’s expectations.
By the way, that’s not the same as saying that we give them everything they want. Regardless of whether a sub pays or not, they get the same treatment from Me: My rules rule. But what is different is that pro-Doms like me take pride in what they do and work hard to make it work for the client.
So my advice? Give serious consideration to seeing a pro-Dom like Me. Yes, it’s a significant amount of money, but what would you pay to have your wildest fantasies realised – if even only once?
Most guys would say, ‘in reality, an awful lot’. – Master.