By now, you will be aware that I’ve moved to new, much larger premises and this has given Me the opportunity to broaden the additional services and sessions I can offer.
I’m putting the finishing touches on a collection of workshops that I am offering to individuals and also couples to help them integrate kink into their lives – whatever that may mean to them.
The four courses are detailed below. Pricing is agreed on a case-by-case basis so please do contact Me if you are interested in any of these subjects or indeed would like Me to consider a different subject for training.
- Kinksploration I: Learning to be proud of the true kinky you. A completely non-judgemental route into discovering and exercising your kinks with an expert in the subject supported by relevant confidence-building techniques and practical exploration.
- Domination Training I: You can carry the whip, but can you carry it off? A hands-on course that provides practical tools and techniques for lovingly dominating your partner in a safe, sane and consensual manner with access to experienced submissives upon which you can practice.
- Serve like a Superhero I. A course designed to make you or your loved one into a more attentive, service-oriented and desirable submissive.
- Living the D/s lifestyle for Couples. A course for couples to help them explore their desired roles and kinks in an environment with more equipment and gear than you could possibly imagine.
All of these sessions will feature some non-dungeon work outside of play to cover off the essential topics, but the majority of your time will be spent in the dungeon putting what you’ve learned into practice.
Do please get in touch if any of these topics are of interest and I will happily share further information. You can call Me anytime on +44 7572 467707 or email firstname.lastname@example.org
-Master of Sin.
In My last post, I made some observations by way of summarising the year that was 2017.
In it, I mention some people that I said goodbye to and while sad, all those goodbyes were right for Me and the respective people involved.
This week, however, I received a message from another boy that I have played with on many occasions that bothered Me. It didn’t upset Me, it didn’t make Me angry, it just left Me with a tremendous sense of disappointment in the person because I felt I knew him better than that. If he ever reads this message, and I hope he does, then perhaps he will reflect on the right way to say goodbye, but at this moment in time, I don’t hold out much hope.
I am going to save all the gory details and summarise the message in a few bulletpoints:
- I can’t see you now or in the future because I have a boyfriend
- My boyfriend doesn’t like you
- I appreciate everything you’ve done
- But he is more important to Me than you
- So, I will be blocking you forever (this all took place on whatsapp)
- And will have no further contact
- If you don’t like it – well tough
Now, I’m paraphrasing a bit here, but not much. That was the tenor and strength of the message.
It was also sent at 0130 on the morning when he was due to see Me at 1000 the same morning. Presumably hoping I would be asleep in bed.
While I wasn’t in bed, I was heading to bed after a long session. So, I read the message. Read it again. Read it a third time. It was late, but it was more the content of the message and the tone of it that made it so hard to comprehend, not the time of night. And as I say, I was left with an overwhelming sense of two things: silly boy and if that’s what our time meant then probably best it did end.
You see, I am not naïve enough to expect kink relationships to last as long as traditional relationships can last. They often burn 10 times as bright as conventional relationships and therefore can burn out far more quickly.
That’s not to say I don’t ultimately want a long-term kink relationship; I do. I just also understand that most people are nowhere near as committed to this lifestyle as I am.
People move on for a whole host of reasons – yes, relationships; but also new jobs, change of scene; change in life direction and a whole host of other reasons. Fair enough, I say and good luck to you.
An old (and very annoying) manager once said to Me “It’s often not the what, it’s the how” and that statement has stuck with Me My entire life. Maybe it’s the young age of this sub that led him to send such an ill-judged message, maybe someone wrote it for him (because it was quite out of character), maybe he was lost and didn’t know what to do, or maybe he really just didn’t not care about Me and how I might receive his long missive, I may never know.
So, to help the next guy that decides he no longer wants to see Me, here’s a few hints on how to separate from your Dom:
- Treat him like a human being. Whether you’re seeing a Dom furtively outside a relationship or just for a bit of fun, there’s still a human being underneath all that leather. Treat him as such. How would you feel being treated like a disposable commodity? Just be open about what’s going on and honest.
- Phone him. I’m sorry but whatsapp, email and text messages are the coward’s way out. If you feel anything for the person or appreciated their time in any way, they deserve an explanation in the most direct means possible. If not face-to-face then at least a brief call.
- Think about what you are going to say in advance and be human. Doms understand that they are not the be all and end all of your life – especially younger subs – fair enough, but at least try to deliver the message in a compassionate way.
- Leave the lines of communication open. That’s a message to both sides. Don’t block people because you’re worried that you’ll get re-hooked on Me again. Be a grown up and open yourself up to follow-ups.
Even if all it was to you was a bit of fun, and even if that’s how the Dom felt, the reality is that connections form through play and they are still bonds. So, have some respect for the other person. If the 20-hole boot were on the other foot, I would let you down as gently as I could.
So why not afford Me and people like Me, the same courtesy?
One of mine, and I am sure most people’s most-abiding Christmas memories, is the film Mary Poppins. I’m sure you’ll recall the scene but in case you don’t, here’s a link:
The song is called The Perfect Nanny. Now, obviously I’m not looking for a nanny (bit beyond that) but I am looking for a boi/sub/life partner or whatever comes along. So I thought I’d take a leaf out of Jane and Michael …. Bank’s book. Some words are borrowed, some words are new.
If you want this choice position
Have a knowledge of slave positions
Rosy cheeks, front and back
Play games, all sorts
You must be smart, you must be witty
Very adorable and fairly pretty
Take us on adventures, give Me treats
Maybe sing songs, bring sweets
Always be brave, always strong
Take your punishment, all day long
Love Me as your Daddy and Dom
And never give me a hint of Brattishness
If I scold or Dominate you
You’ll take it as I’ve trained you
I won’t hurt your feelings
Just your behind
Nor will I betray you
Or poison your mind
Now don’t be late.
Come hither and enjoy your fate!
PS – I don’t expect you to arrive on a flying umbrella or be practically perfect in every way. Just close to.
PPS – All credit and copyright go to (c) Walt Disney Company.
It has been just over a year since I last blogged on My site. 2017 has literally flown by at a speed that has almost taken My breath away.
According to My records, I have seen 50 clients and over 125 bois (some old and some new in both respects). Small wonder I never seem to have a weekend to Myself.
Despite the fact I’ve been a pro Dom for a while now, I have learned a lot this year. Some lessons have been reminders of previous lessons, while others have been completely new experiences. I thought it might be useful to do My personal year in review, not chronologically because that would take too much time and actually is arbitrary, but rather by pulling out some highlights. A lot has happened this year, so I hope you will indulge Me a long post (with no pictures) as My attempt to make friends with My blog once again.
The moments that stood out for Me in 2017 are those when I watched one of My clients or one of My bois grow. Some of that involved departures and some of that involved new arrivals. Here’s a few of the most memorable.
- Goodbye alpha. One of the saddest moments was when I said goodbye to My alphasub. This boy was special and we had an intense connection almost from the word go. I’ve never really met anyone with such a positive disposition before, not to mention a desire to be tested that few of My other visitors could ever match. When I first played with him some two years ago, he didn’t even get to see Me. We did the whole day as an anonymous scene. Then, some 15 or so sessions later, he was volunteering for some extreme experiences that brought tears to his eyes and a tremendous sense of pride to Mine. So it was a sad moment when after some tender and intimate play, that I released him. He has met the Dom/man of his dreams and judging by the pictures of the bruises he shows Me, he’s well on his way to having the kind of kink relationships a boy can only dream about. I wish him well on his way to his bliss.
- Goodbye relationship. This was the year when I decided to see if a more traditional relationship with a younger guy might work. While it started favourably, the relationship deteriorated over time. There were many reasons, some on My side and some on his, but it wasn’t the age gap that was the issue: it was the maturity gap. I’ve played with guys in their 30s that should be mature and guys in their early 20s that should be immature, but age really is just a number. Maturity seems to be something else entirely. Like so many things it comes down to the individual. And unfortunately, this individual wasn’t ready for the kind of commitments I expected him to make in either a kink or every day context. He left My presence and came back a few times each time promising to recommit, but in reality, he was ‘undercooked’ and simply not ready to play at My level of intensity. He now knows, however, what kink is all about and has a far better grasp on what he wants from his kink life.
- Goodbye infatuation. I recently became infatuated with someone that emigrated. Of all these goodbye stories, that was perhaps the hardest. This boi got Me. He understood what made Me tick better than anyone I’d ever met. And, even though I knew it couldn’t continue because his entire life was promised to another; it didn’t stop Me falling head over heels in love with him for a time. After all, the kinky sex, our play, our alone time and even our social time was better than almost anything I’d ever experienced. And he was such a lovely person. Anyone would have loved him. When he was with Me one day and on a plane the next, it was hard. Really very hard for a time. Dealing with his disappearance was also not helped by the fact that every time I opened My photos on My phone, pictures of him in gear would pop up liberally. But, our life together, albeit fleeting was quite spectacular and I would never wish to change any of it. It turns out that he was nervous to approach Me at the outset (which to Me seems odd, after all, I know what I am like) and so we missed out on perhaps another six to twelve months of play. Yet perhaps that was really no bad thing. I’d only have fallen more in love with him had I spent more time with him and it would have made the whole situation even more painful than it was. He will now go on to marry his boyfriend and I am sure they will end up with lovely kids and a very happy, if perhaps more vanilla life.
- Hello new masochist. This was a late development in the year. I approached a guy through his husband on one of the social media hook-up apps and ended up chatting with him about all his kinks. At first, I couldn’t quite get a handle on him and on what he was really seeking. The fact he was married (and had two kids) kind of confused Me. But having met him twice now for two full weekends; I am pleased to see him starting a path to ownership. It’s early days, but judging by the challenging and intense nature of our play, and his positive reaction to it, I have every chance of turning him into the kind of masochist that enables Me to let rip with the more excessive elements of My sadistic persona. If you want to know more about our kind of play, do look at My twitter feed (@atmydisposalSir) and you can some (but not all) of the things we’ve done. I have high hopes and expectations for this boi and I fully expect he will deliver on both. Sometimes, when you meet a new play partner, you can tell whether it’s going to be a one-off, a year or a lifetime. I think with this sub, there’s every possibility our kink exchanges will last a lifetime.
- Hello new equipment. Anyone that knows Me, knows I buy a lot of gear. I am pretty much always on the lookout for new and interesting equipment to spice up a scene and this year was definitely no exception. I would encourage you to visit my twitter profile (once again I’m @atmydisposalSir) to see some of it in action. For here, a list will suffice:
- Fetters leather lined suspension sleepsack
- Scaffolding cage complete with eight attachable cross bars and collar, wrist and ankle cuffs that attach to said bars
- Mr S scream hood with attached lockable leather mitts
- Boxing gloves/sparring kit and free standing punch bag
- Rubber sleepsack with nipple zips and lacing
- Electro forceps (for those moments when the extreme pinch of surgical forceps just isn’t enough)
- A pair of Estimsystems 2B electro boxes along with various size of insertable electro sounds and anal plugs
- Multiple new chastity cages
- Mr S jock in small
- Over 1500 GBP of new rubber to fit twink boys
- 10 new rubber catsuits in Large, XL, medium and small
- Inflatable rubber mitts
- Dainese 2-piece and 1 piece motorcycle leathers
- Californian Highway Patrolman Motorcycle boots
- Fetters fuckbench
- Fetter spanking bench
- A set of 10 thick Mr S belts
- Segufix human restraints set attached to a bed recovered from a prison riot
- … and so the list goes on…
- As you can probably tell, that’s just a sampling of the list of gear that was acquired this year.
- Hello new playrooms. As well as the main playroom and the cell, this year saw the introduction (or sacrifice) of another room for play. The Grey Room is designed for punishment and long-term bondage. Victims can spend hours in that room fulfilling all of their hearts desires. Unlike the Main Playroom, which I am now calling the Red Room, it has been designed to be more clinical and less busy on the eyes. It’s quite a scary and configurable room too. It has been used for clinical, interrogation, long-term bondage, medical restraint and of course, CP play. Over Christmas and New Year, I will be making some major updates to this website (thanks to the acquisition of some rather whizzy new technology), so look out for those.
- Hello new Me. We are always learning and even though I consider Myself an experienced and dedicated professional Dominant, I’ve learned a lot from My subs. Like the Oscars, it’s impossible to call them all out by name, but I feel sure they all know who they are and I thank them for lending Me their submission and for brightening the occasional dark days with their total and utter devotion. I’d also like to highlight some of My clients in particular that I’ve seen grow and get closer to their full potential – one is into sailing and the other is into wine – in case they were unsure. Both of these guys came to Me confused about life and their place within it. They had been undervaluing themselves on a consistent basis to meet others’ needs instead of their own. By seeing Me and by being challenged by Me, they have become much closer to their true selves and while they have done the vast majority of the work required to get to this point, I am happy that I had a hand in these particular transformations. Long may their progress continue.
I really have no idea what 2018 might bring in terms of clients, bois or life challenges, but you know what, 2017 has proved to be a pretty decent year.
One of the deep joys about being kinky is the fact that you are always learning. As people that regularly read My blog will know I often write about lessons I’ve drawn from recent sessions. Where appropriate, I turn these lessons into practical advice that will enable submissives and slaves to play with Me effectively.
Today’s post is one such lesson. On occasion, I play with a guy that is out of his depth. That’s not a value judgement on My part, just a statement of objective reality. This could be because they are either very young, inexperienced or unsure what they are seeking from a Dom like Me.
Rather than bemoan the blindingly obvious: that everyone is different, I thought I’d set out My ideal shopping list for non-clients that I play with. So, here’s what I am like:
- I am a sexual sadist. This means I do enjoy inflicting pain and pleasure on my subs. If you’re just looking for someone to tie you up and tease you, I’m probably not the guy for you. But if, despite Me saying this, you want to experience some of the things I do, be prepared to have your limits challenged.
- I am a sexual being too. If you want to play with Me, you need to be prepared to serve Me in some way sexually. I may reciprocate with you or I may not, it depends on the connection. I’m not just talking about sex, although if it happens, that’s fine. This is especially important for people with partners/husbands. If you are not able to offer any kind of sexual service to Me, you need to tell Me and that will factor into My decision on whether I invite you to come and play or not.
- I expect a lot from My subs and slaves. I will make you work hard during your experience with Me. You will be put to task in ways few other Doms will do. It might be hard work at times, but it will also be an awful lot of fun. If you’re the right kind of sub – see above.
- Fantasy can differ a lot from reality. It’s a hot idea right? Being kept for days or even weeks by some mean, selfish bastard that has no thought or regard for the sub or slave. Yes, it is. But the reality is much harsher. Imagine what it’s like to have all your choices taken away, being in full bondage and unable to move or ‘rescue’ yourself. You have no control and that’s even during breaks or downtime. Think about the implications of that: once you come into My playrooms and until you leave, you are Mine for My amusement. Any enjoyment you receive is very secondary, although of course, I want you to have had a ‘good time’ in the context of a D/s relationship, but that could mean anything from being scared out of your wits to having a permanent hard on.
- I don’t mess around. One thing with Me is that I take everything people tell Me at face value. If you say, for example, that you’re a no limits masochist that’s done every possible kind of scene, I will base the scene I construct on those words. So be honest and realistic about your experience and your real limitations.
In truth, I’m not a mean, selfish bastard outside of play and in it, I’m more of a demanding sexual sadist and Master with a wicked streak or ten. But I am unlike many people that purport to be Masters, so bear that in mind. I am the real deal and I am too much for some people.
So, here’s the test I referenced in the headline of this post:
- If reading this post made you hard, you’re welcome to play with Me: why haven’t you applied already? But:
- If you thought of Me as arrogant, rude, obnoxious or yes, selfish, then please don’t contact Me, we won’t be suitable play partners but I wish you well in your search, nonetheless.
There are a few simple things that anyone can do to make sure they maximise the enjoyment of their time with Me. I thought I’d share a few tips for ensuring your session with Me goes as planned.
Speed isn’t of the essence. On one occasion, the client booked a session for the next day. That’s far from ideal for Me. Being a professional Dom that takes the word professional very seriously, I like to spend time getting to know all My clients. I speak with them on the phone and I have sometimes seemingly endless message exchanges. At the end of this process, once the session takes place, I know My client intimately. So while the excitement around coming to see Me can build up; it’s better if you think calmly about what you want out of a session and give yourself a few days to allow those exchanges to take place.
Be clear on your expectations. I have over 800 items of gear in My playrooms. Over the past 20 years, every time I’ve seen an interesting item of equipment in a scene, I’ve tended to acquire it to do that scene – or My own despicable variation thereof. So the choice is endless. I also try to make every session as unique as I can with the gear I have. That takes a lot of brainpower and it’s one of the reasons why My fees are perhaps too rich for some. I have to plan and fund all the time upfront that is required thinking about sessions and designing experiences as well as incorporating all the time for communications in addition to the time allocated for the session itself. And, unlike many pro Doms, I don’t clock watch. The scene is done when it’s done; not when the meter runs out.
Now, with all that gear choice comes a lot of responsibility. It’s very easy for Me to choose say five items of gear and dedicate a whole 3-hour session to those pieces of equipment. If those five items aren’t intended for the kind of scene you are hoping for, I won’t know until it’s too late. So tell Me what your main kinks are upfront by completing this sentence:
“If you do [xxxx] to Me, I will have really enjoyed the session and want to come back for more.” Or, perhaps the less technical and eloquent: “I fucking love [xxxx]. Please please do that to Me.”
I don’t mind which construction you use, but please be explicit and unambiguous and we’ll get along fine.
You’re the client – but what kind of client are you? One of the big challenges of being a Pro Dom is that some clients want to serve Me while others want to be served. It’s very hard to work out even from calls and messages which kind of client you might be. So think about which one of the two statements below applies most to your expectations:
- I demand. The toughest group to satisfy, you can encapsulate a ‘demander’ thus: “I’m paying for the session, so I want to make sure I get what I want from it above all else. I won’t feel like I’ve had value for money unless I press the buttons I need to press regardless of whether I am allowed to cum or not.”
- Forthright. These kinds of people are used to getting what they want in life and have strong opinions about everything. They have high expectations and don’t shy away from criticism in any form. Sadly, they can also expect Me to be a mindreader or fail to make explicit their key requirements.
- I hope. The motivation of the ‘hoper’ is summarised as “I’m hoping for certain things to happen in the session, but I really want to leave it to the Dom to determine the content and scope of the session. I really do hope He will do My favourite thing.”
- Generally optimistic. They prefer to share ideas than prescriptions because they know that being open as well as expressing their hopes is likely to get them to the promised land of kink.
- I believe. The ‘believers’ really are open to anything: “I don’t have any preconceived ideas of what I want to see included in the scene. I want to hand Myself over to the Dom and let them shape the content. That way, it’ll be a complete surprise to Me what happens.”
- Always positive. These subs believe wholeheartedly in the D/s dynamic and just want to please Me. They would never think of asking for anything and the word demand is not even in their vocabulary. They exist to serve Me – whatever I decide that looks like.
So are you a 1, 2 or 3? There is no point thinking you are one thing when you are actually another entirely. This is not about what you think a sub should be like, but actually what you are like. This also goes far wider than your sub personality; this is about how you think in everyday life – so be honest with Me and yourself and all will be well. Only you know whether you’re a demander, a hoper or a believer. There are potential trade-offs with every type, so just be true to who you really are and we’ll get along fine.
I’m not a mind-reader. I’ve been described as a scary sonofabitch, sadist, generally mean and even compassionate and comparing person. I’ll happily own all those labels. One thing I am not, however, is a psychic. If I don’t know – from you – what you want in explicit and not euphemistic terms, it’s unlikely I will be able to give it to you.
No, really, I’m not a mind reader. I make the point again for emphasis: there’s a difference between giving Me a prescriptive set of instructions (which doesn’t work for Me and I actively encourage clients not to do this) and giving Me enough clues to construct a scene. So by all means send Me links, pictures, videos of things you like and I’ll do My best to incorporate those ideas into your session. In addition, if while in session you become concerned that I may not press any of your hoped-for buttons, for heavens’ sake just tell Me. Remember: Great Dom, TERRIBLE mind reader.
Please see this post as your prospective Master trying to save us both time and ensure you have a great experience – whatever that looks like. I look forward to meeting you in My playrooms very soon.
I’ve already posted a couple of articles designed to address this question, but as I still I am still getting asked this on a far too frequent basis, I’ve decided to explicitly tackle it head-on.
Right, here goes. Asking Me to answer this question before I’ve even got to know you is like you asking Me what kind of ice cream you like when I don’t even know your tastes. It’s an exercise in futility and it frankly, just annoys Me. Clue: I really detest vanilla.
Now, I’m talking mainly to young guys here, so bois: “listen up”. This should not be the first question you ask a Dom. Why? Well, mainly because it disrespectful and it says you think you’re time is more valuable than Mine. Guess what? It isn’t.
There is this wonderful thing called the internet and this amazing tool called google. Whatever you type in its ‘magic letter box’, you will find interesting content.
There are hundreds, thousands, maybe even millions of kinks and sub-kinks that we could end up talking about.
While that might be fun the first time, when you have hundreds of messages coming in every day, it stops being fun very quickly indeed. So here’s a few pieces of advice from a slightly more mature member of the scene.
- Use google. Type in anything you think might excite you and see what comes up. If it’s something kinky like ‘twinks having sex in army uniforms’ and you’ll get relevant results. Or, ‘leather bondage’ or ‘rubber gimp’, etc etc.
- Filter the fantasies. I can do whatever scene you can imagine (except anything relating to blood, scat (poo), adult baby or mess (sploshing). So help Me narrow it down. Heck, send Me links if you like of things you’ve particularly enjoyed.
- What do you masturbate to? Yes, you do it. So does everybody else. So just tell Me what really gets you going. I’ve heard everything before and I’m completely unshockable.
- What do you dream about? If you’re lucky enough to have kinky dreams tell Me about those too.
If you take time to think about the four short points above, we are going to have a much better time when we eventually start to speak to each other. You make the investment in it and I will make the investment in you and the realisation of your fantasies. Seems like a pretty good deal to Me, wouldn’t you agree?
I don’t normally write more than one blog post a week, but this really warrants the breaking of My own rule.
While I consider Myself to be a fairly political animal overall, I have hitherto steered completely clear of engaging in any form of activism or protest about anything, really.
I’ve never attended Pride (guys in tutus scare Me), or been to a Fight the War protest, campaigned for CND or even thought about the little fluffy animals for longer than a few seconds.
I’m not uncaring or dispassionate, I just have a full dance card.
I’ve never felt the need to assert My rights about anything. We’re all subjects of the Crown and all that. Live with it. Even the Investigatory Powers Act was a bit annoying, but I figure, if people want to read My texts about when a friend is coming around to play so be it.
Despite My fundamental disagreements with Brexiteers, I’ve even adjusted to the reality of that nonsense.
I’m officially middle-aged, never had so much as a Police caution and the idea of going before anyone that resembles a judge fills Me with total and mitigating dread. Criminal mastermind I most certainly am not.
That said, I’ve become aware of some impending legislation that so encroaches upon My lifestyle that I am going to have to take a stand, as miserable as that is likely to make Me. So yes, you can now call Me, ‘The Reluctant Activist’.
I’ll leave the technical details to experts in the field like Myles Jackman, the lawyer that specialises in defending people accused of committing acts of obscenity and the like. His website (mylesjackman.com) offers some very useful guidance on recent legislation. It’s worth reading his site to understand exactly what the laws permit and disallow.
So what’s happening that has irritated Me so?
Well, not content with deciding that we can’t play the way we want to (nothing but trivial/trifling acts of CP, nothing that gives the appearance of being injurious to health – aka, life-threatening, and so on), the Government has now decided that it’s perfectly within its rights to demand that all people that consume pornography must prove their age by some as yet, unspecified age verification service with unspecified costs and implications.
Soon, us kinksters partial to the odd ‘naughty video’ will have to hand over the kind of ID they ask for in a bank just to get through the ‘Great Firewall of Theresa May’.
What’s even worse is that anyone that signs up to these age verification sites will have no right to keep that information private because it will be stored online by third parties and presumably accessible by any law enforcement agency or private enterprise that’s bored and wants a few easy hits on the Gay community. Because let’s face it: us gays watch A LOT of porn.
Essentially, if you think about it, the Government, in its Digital Economy Bill, is going to create a second kind of private sexual offences register for anyone that likes to watch anyone else having ‘rough sex’. So that’s pretty much any gay man then.
And, anyone that watches porn could find themselves on it because let’s face it HM Government isn’t best qualified to determine what’s appropriate or regulate that activities of My bedroom or My playroom.
Aside from the practical limitations of enforcing such a ‘Great Firewall’, it sends chills down My spine that a so-called democracy like the UK, should seem intent on taking away civil liberties in such an idiotic and ill-conceived fashion using ‘protecting the kiddies’ as it’s wafer-thin justification. It must be easier to regulate peoples’ bedroom activities than catch terrorists.
While it may get stopped at the pass like the attempts to ban poppers or may go down in history as a piece of legislation as bad as the Dangerous Dogs Act, I’d rather it never got on the statute book in the first place.
I’m not talking about child pornography. It shouldn’t need stressing, but I will anyway for the hard of understanding, that I make a total and unambiguous distinction between the disgusting and morally-reprehensible, such as child pornography, bestiality, etc and the kind of material the right-behaving (if pervy) minority consume that’s filmed between consenting adults and viewed by other consenting adults.
Of course, we should be protecting children from seeing things they shouldn’t see, so how about we start by banning Facebook, YouTube, SnapChat, etc. etc. After all, that’s what’s making our kids grow up so fast, not porn.
Hell, for that matter let’s not just ban porn, let’s ban the Internet in the UK as a whole and see where that gets us in world economic standings.
After all, whatever measures the Government puts in place will only act to criminalise normal behaviour even further. And those kids, being on the whole way more technically literate than us adults, will just find ways around the laws.
So, in reality, they won’t be protecting children, they will just be demonising law abiding, tax-paying citizens, who enjoy the kinky side of life and cause no harm to the wider society as a whole – unless they wear those damn aforementioned tutus of course.
It seems so disappointingly sad and so deeply retrograde that as films (as terrible as they are) like 50 Shades open up society’s understanding of kinky sex and make it easy to discuss around the dinner table, and as legislation supporting same-sex marriage beds in, the Government once again is trying to get busy with Me in my bed.
And, I’m not talking about the kind of fucking I enjoy.
The first thing to go when a free society becomes a dictatorship is the ability to consume pornography without looking over your shoulders.
We should all – gay, straight, monk, gender-flexible, broom handle, whatever – do everything we can to stop this legislation ever passing through parliament.
So Dear Government, would you be so kind as to do me a favour, and get the fuck out of my sex life once and for all?
To put My ‘Reluctant Activist’ chops to the test, I shall be attending the #KinkOlympixxx Protest on October 17th outside the Houses of Parliament between 12 and 2pm.
If anyone sees Me there and recognises Me – for God sake come and talk to Me. For once, I shall be a virgin again: protest virgin, so be gentle.
I’m told there are going to be kinky people there and you know what, I’m told that I should be scared of those kinds of people. Or at least, that’s what I’m supposed to tell the kids. What utter, unmitigated, clap-trapping, cods-walloping, rubbish.
As well as Myles Jackman’s website, please take a look at the following websites:
- Digital Economy Bill: https://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/bills/cbill/2016-2017/0045/17045.pdf
- Backlash (Kink Olympixxx): http://www.kinkolympixxx.com/
- Open Rights Group: https://www.openrightsgroup.org/blog/2016/overview-of-the-digital-economy-bill-2016
- Xbiz: http://www.xbiz.com/news/212809
A TV and musical post-script
I recently heard two quotes from popular culture that made Me, as an unashamed kinkster, stop right in My tracks. I offer both perspectives for your consumption below and make absolutely no claim to copyright. I hope the owners will appreciate that I am sharing these clips to support a point, not to glean commercial benefit. However, if either or both want me to remove these posts, I will do so without a moment’s hesitation.
West Wing on Privacy – Talking about the next 20 Years: How right they were
Edward Snowden talking about our collective duty to take our privacy seriously
In recent weeks, I’ve been asked what are my favourite things to do to a sub or slave about 100 times.
It’s actually driving Me a bit ‘potty’, in fact. Not least because most of my communications take place over messaging apps and only Grindr lets you save phrases for re-use (Recon et al please note!). So imagine Me having to type out an abridged version of this post every time I’m asked that question, small wonder my hands are aching.
I’ll be honest and say that I’m not a massive fan of this question.
After all, when you have over 700 items of gear and some quite unique equipment to boot, and you play with maybe 200-300 people a year, it’s hard to say exactly what My favourite thing (or more technically speaking, ‘scene’), is.
Inevitably, I find myself drawn to the rather non-committal and potentially unhelpful response of ‘it depends on the sub’.
But in a bid to develop a ‘definitive’ answer to this damn question, I thought I’d offer some fairly robust views on the topic. Of course, it could change, but you can bet that if asked this question, I shall be directing people to this blog post.
Everything I do involves some kind of restraint – either mental (act as if you’re in bondage – don’t move until I tell you, slave positions, etc), physical (metal, rubber, leather or rope) or sometimes furniture (stocks, bondage benches, and so on).
I love bondage. In all its forms and fashions. Back when the Big Bang happened (start of the universe) and I was a sub, I couldn’t really take even a severe CP session seriously unless I was properly tied down. But as soon as the straps when over my back, I was ready, like a thoroughbred in the stalls at the Grand National. You could have done your worst and all the pain would have turned into pleasure.
Now, as well as an experienced Master and pro-Dom, I’m a sexual sadist. These are words that you don’t see in print or on the Internet too readily. For reasons of well, total lack of societal acceptance. What I enjoy, however, is the infliction of pleasure and yes, sometimes that can also involve – shock horror – pain.
I make a massive distinction between consensual activity and either sexual violence or just plain abuse.
One of the most disappointing opening gambits for Me is when a prospective sub says they ‘don’t like pain’. I have to bite firmly on both lips so that I don’t respond with a curt or sharp, neither do I, reply.
I think pain gets a bad rap. I’m not talking about the kind of pain that one experiences when one stubs one’s toe and says things ‘like oo bugger one felt that’. I’m also not talking about the pain that comes from having your teeth drilled without local anaesthetic (unless you’re a dental fetishist, of course).
So let’s re-brand pain as sensation for a second. There are soft and hard ‘sensations’. Soft feels like a tickle, or a gentle warming. Hard feels sharp, stingy or thuddy, but it’s fleeting and the post sensation buzz far outweighs the short term discomfort. And yes, hard sensations can be challenging, but it’s not like being in a car accident.
So you’re tied down, and you’re experiencing some kind of sensation. So that’s it right?
Nope. I’ve written the most delayed of ‘delayed drops’ (as us writers like to call them) because really, my favourite thing in any scene is to take control of the sub or slave absolutely and without mercy.
So, when someone asks Me what my favourite thing to do in a scene, I will say ‘Total Power Exchange’.
Why? It’s quite simple. I become the guy who rubs the lamp and when the genie grants him three wishes says his first wish is for unlimited additional wishes.
Every imaginable scene, session or fetish is executable once you have TPE.
Once you have total control over the sub or slave, you can technically ‘make’ them do whatever you like. This is called, consensual non-consent. It can sometimes manifest as a ‘No, please Sir, no more’, kind of vibe, which translates as ‘More, please Sir, oh God, please More’. Confusing for the observer but that’s why us kinksters have safewords.
Once I have TPE, I can use a process of consensual non-consent to ‘subject’ the sub or slave to whatever I wish. They should then enjoy it. I’m not discounting all my previous writings about safewords and limits, by the way, but when it comes down to it, Total Power Exchange is the gateway to realising all of my favourite scenes, and that’s why it’s My ultimate ‘favourite thing’.
I’m sure I’ll still get the question every day, but at least I can just cut and paste a link and save my poor hands.
I recently wrote a blog that focused on taking subs and slaves to breaking point: that is to say the point at which the ‘victim’ can take no more of the teasing or torture and is now putty in My Dominant hands.
Of course, if you do not want to reach this point of total submission (and some might say liberation), the time-honoured solution is to use a safeword. This gives both the submissive and the Dominant partner in play the confidence to play ‘on the edge’ without taking an unnecessary or uncalculated risk.
As an aside and general rule, players that identify as slaves by their own preference do not get safewords after their first session with Me (even slaves get safewords when they first play with Me just so I can confirm if they really are a slave or a sub).
Now, for the sake of anyone and everyone that comes and sees Me for a session, I operate three main safewords: Amber, Red and Green.
Given the similarities with traffic lights, I’m going to draw on analogies from the world of cars to illustrate how My safewords work in practice.
- Amber is like the brake pedal. This enables the sub to slow down the scene when the intensity is becoming that little bit too much to bear. It doesn’t bring a halt to the scene, but it does give the sub the opportunity to enforce a break point so that they can regain their composure and continue with the scene without using the more severe ‘Red’ safeword.
- Red is like the emergency parking brake (or handbrake as it’s known in the UK). It stops a scene dead in its tracks. This may because we have inadvertently reached a sub’s hard limits or the compound effect of the scene has simply become too much. Contrary to popular belief, even a Red does not have to result in a permanent end to a scene, but it can. Whether I resume a scene really depends on how the sub is feeling, their ability to cope with what’s happening to them and of course, my reading of their true emotions and state of mind borne out of more than 20 years of play and a background in human psychology.
- Green is the accelerator pedal (or gas pedal in the US). I think I am the only person in the scene that has a safeword that allows the sub to say that, in essence, they want MORE. But in my opinion, it seemed a logical extension of the idea of having safewords. Some subs want to speed up a scene to get to the more intense points and Green gives Me and them the opportunity to have that happen without breaking the flow of the action.
So those are my safewords. The next question is obviously: ‘When is it acceptable to safeword?’
Now that is a very interesting question and will significantly extend the length of this post.
First of all, it’s worth noting that many of my clients come to Me with a desire to serve, and ultimately, please Me. That’s very laudable and after all what the D/s (Dominant/submissive) is supposed to be all about.
HOWEVER, I would rather someone use their safewords than worry about disappointing Me in all honesty. Few reasons:
- The sub hated what happened. This is very rare, but if the scene was, in its entirety, too extreme but the sub felt they could not safeword out of it, they are pretty unlikely to want to see Me again.
- New play partners need calibration. Whenever I agree to meet a professional client, I take great pains to get to know them over email, messaging and often, phone calls. This is a time-intensive and sometimes laborious process designed to get inside the head of the submissive client. However, even with all this pre-work, it can still not be immediately obvious how far and how strong the sub wants Me to play. So safewords, particularly Amber and Green help me gauge true limits, tolerances and yes, even courage of each individual with whom I play.
- There’s never any shame in using a safeword. Let me say that again: there is NO SHAME in using a safeword. They say that the best lessons come from our mistakes and in my many years of play, I’ve made enough that I’ve become adept at reading most situations. That said, I find that the use of safewords precipitates a much deeper and more profound dialogue with My clients that helps me get to the true core of their fantasies and desires.
So please, use your safewords and use them with pride. My belief is that once I’ve played with a client enough times, safewords become largely redundant, but if you do not have the confidence to use them, I’m never going to really know what your true limits are.