One of the deep joys about being kinky is the fact that you are always learning. As people that regularly read My blog will know I often write about lessons I’ve drawn from recent sessions. Where appropriate, I turn these lessons into practical advice that will enable submissives and slaves to play with Me effectively.
Today’s post is one such lesson. On occasion, I play with a guy that is out of his depth. That’s not a value judgement on My part, just a statement of objective reality. This could be because they are either very young, inexperienced or unsure what they are seeking from a Dom like Me.
Rather than bemoan the blindingly obvious: that everyone is different, I thought I’d set out My ideal shopping list for non-clients that I play with. So, here’s what I am like:
- I am a sexual sadist. This means I do enjoy inflicting pain and pleasure on my subs. If you’re just looking for someone to tie you up and tease you, I’m probably not the guy for you. But if, despite Me saying this, you want to experience some of the things I do, be prepared to have your limits challenged.
- I am a sexual being too. If you want to play with Me, you need to be prepared to serve Me in some way sexually. I may reciprocate with you or I may not, it depends on the connection. I’m not just talking about sex, although if it happens, that’s fine. This is especially important for people with partners/husbands. If you are not able to offer any kind of sexual service to Me, you need to tell Me and that will factor into My decision on whether I invite you to come and play or not.
- I expect a lot from My subs and slaves. I will make you work hard during your experience with Me. You will be put to task in ways few other Doms will do. It might be hard work at times, but it will also be an awful lot of fun. If you’re the right kind of sub – see above.
- Fantasy can differ a lot from reality. It’s a hot idea right? Being kept for days or even weeks by some mean, selfish bastard that has no thought or regard for the sub or slave. Yes, it is. But the reality is much harsher. Imagine what it’s like to have all your choices taken away, being in full bondage and unable to move or ‘rescue’ yourself. You have no control and that’s even during breaks or downtime. Think about the implications of that: once you come into My playrooms and until you leave, you are Mine for My amusement. Any enjoyment you receive is very secondary, although of course, I want you to have had a ‘good time’ in the context of a D/s relationship, but that could mean anything from being scared out of your wits to having a permanent hard on.
- I don’t mess around. One thing with Me is that I take everything people tell Me at face value. If you say, for example, that you’re a no limits masochist that’s done every possible kind of scene, I will base the scene I construct on those words. So be honest and realistic about your experience and your real limitations.
In truth, I’m not a mean, selfish bastard outside of play and in it, I’m more of a demanding sexual sadist and Master with a wicked streak or ten. But I am unlike many people that purport to be Masters, so bear that in mind. I am the real deal and I am too much for some people.
So, here’s the test I referenced in the headline of this post:
- If reading this post made you hard, you’re welcome to play with Me: why haven’t you applied already? But:
- If you thought of Me as arrogant, rude, obnoxious or yes, selfish, then please don’t contact Me, we won’t be suitable play partners but I wish you well in your search, nonetheless.
There are a few simple things that anyone can do to make sure they maximise the enjoyment of their time with Me. I thought I’d share a few tips for ensuring your session with Me goes as planned.
Speed isn’t of the essence. On one occasion, the client booked a session for the next day. That’s far from ideal for Me. Being a professional Dom that takes the word professional very seriously, I like to spend time getting to know all My clients. I speak with them on the phone and I have sometimes seemingly endless message exchanges. At the end of this process, once the session takes place, I know My client intimately. So while the excitement around coming to see Me can build up; it’s better if you think calmly about what you want out of a session and give yourself a few days to allow those exchanges to take place.
Be clear on your expectations. I have over 800 items of gear in My playrooms. Over the past 20 years, every time I’ve seen an interesting item of equipment in a scene, I’ve tended to acquire it to do that scene – or My own despicable variation thereof. So the choice is endless. I also try to make every session as unique as I can with the gear I have. That takes a lot of brainpower and it’s one of the reasons why My fees are perhaps too rich for some. I have to plan and fund all the time upfront that is required thinking about sessions and designing experiences as well as incorporating all the time for communications in addition to the time allocated for the session itself. And, unlike many pro Doms, I don’t clock watch. The scene is done when it’s done; not when the meter runs out.
Now, with all that gear choice comes a lot of responsibility. It’s very easy for Me to choose say five items of gear and dedicate a whole 3-hour session to those pieces of equipment. If those five items aren’t intended for the kind of scene you are hoping for, I won’t know until it’s too late. So tell Me what your main kinks are upfront by completing this sentence:
“If you do [xxxx] to Me, I will have really enjoyed the session and want to come back for more.” Or, perhaps the less technical and eloquent: “I fucking love [xxxx]. Please please do that to Me.”
I don’t mind which construction you use, but please be explicit and unambiguous and we’ll get along fine.
You’re the client – but what kind of client are you? One of the big challenges of being a Pro Dom is that some clients want to serve Me while others want to be served. It’s very hard to work out even from calls and messages which kind of client you might be. So think about which one of the two statements below applies most to your expectations:
- I demand. The toughest group to satisfy, you can encapsulate a ‘demander’ thus: “I’m paying for the session, so I want to make sure I get what I want from it above all else. I won’t feel like I’ve had value for money unless I press the buttons I need to press regardless of whether I am allowed to cum or not.”
- Forthright. These kinds of people are used to getting what they want in life and have strong opinions about everything. They have high expectations and don’t shy away from criticism in any form. Sadly, they can also expect Me to be a mindreader or fail to make explicit their key requirements.
- I hope. The motivation of the ‘hoper’ is summarised as “I’m hoping for certain things to happen in the session, but I really want to leave it to the Dom to determine the content and scope of the session. I really do hope He will do My favourite thing.”
- Generally optimistic. They prefer to share ideas than prescriptions because they know that being open as well as expressing their hopes is likely to get them to the promised land of kink.
- I believe. The ‘believers’ really are open to anything: “I don’t have any preconceived ideas of what I want to see included in the scene. I want to hand Myself over to the Dom and let them shape the content. That way, it’ll be a complete surprise to Me what happens.”
- Always positive. These subs believe wholeheartedly in the D/s dynamic and just want to please Me. They would never think of asking for anything and the word demand is not even in their vocabulary. They exist to serve Me – whatever I decide that looks like.
So are you a 1, 2 or 3? There is no point thinking you are one thing when you are actually another entirely. This is not about what you think a sub should be like, but actually what you are like. This also goes far wider than your sub personality; this is about how you think in everyday life – so be honest with Me and yourself and all will be well. Only you know whether you’re a demander, a hoper or a believer. There are potential trade-offs with every type, so just be true to who you really are and we’ll get along fine.
I’m not a mind-reader. I’ve been described as a scary sonofabitch, sadist, generally mean and even compassionate and comparing person. I’ll happily own all those labels. One thing I am not, however, is a psychic. If I don’t know – from you – what you want in explicit and not euphemistic terms, it’s unlikely I will be able to give it to you.
No, really, I’m not a mind reader. I make the point again for emphasis: there’s a difference between giving Me a prescriptive set of instructions (which doesn’t work for Me and I actively encourage clients not to do this) and giving Me enough clues to construct a scene. So by all means send Me links, pictures, videos of things you like and I’ll do My best to incorporate those ideas into your session. In addition, if while in session you become concerned that I may not press any of your hoped-for buttons, for heavens’ sake just tell Me. Remember: Great Dom, TERRIBLE mind reader.
Please see this post as your prospective Master trying to save us both time and ensure you have a great experience – whatever that looks like. I look forward to meeting you in My playrooms very soon.
I’ve already posted a couple of articles designed to address this question, but as I still I am still getting asked this on a far too frequent basis, I’ve decided to explicitly tackle it head-on.
Right, here goes. Asking Me to answer this question before I’ve even got to know you is like you asking Me what kind of ice cream you like when I don’t even know your tastes. It’s an exercise in futility and it frankly, just annoys Me. Clue: I really detest vanilla.
Now, I’m talking mainly to young guys here, so bois: “listen up”. This should not be the first question you ask a Dom. Why? Well, mainly because it disrespectful and it says you think you’re time is more valuable than Mine. Guess what? It isn’t.
There is this wonderful thing called the internet and this amazing tool called google. Whatever you type in its ‘magic letter box’, you will find interesting content.
There are hundreds, thousands, maybe even millions of kinks and sub-kinks that we could end up talking about.
While that might be fun the first time, when you have hundreds of messages coming in every day, it stops being fun very quickly indeed. So here’s a few pieces of advice from a slightly more mature member of the scene.
- Use google. Type in anything you think might excite you and see what comes up. If it’s something kinky like ‘twinks having sex in army uniforms’ and you’ll get relevant results. Or, ‘leather bondage’ or ‘rubber gimp’, etc etc.
- Filter the fantasies. I can do whatever scene you can imagine (except anything relating to blood, scat (poo), adult baby or mess (sploshing). So help Me narrow it down. Heck, send Me links if you like of things you’ve particularly enjoyed.
- What do you masturbate to? Yes, you do it. So does everybody else. So just tell Me what really gets you going. I’ve heard everything before and I’m completely unshockable.
- What do you dream about? If you’re lucky enough to have kinky dreams tell Me about those too.
If you take time to think about the four short points above, we are going to have a much better time when we eventually start to speak to each other. You make the investment in it and I will make the investment in you and the realisation of your fantasies. Seems like a pretty good deal to Me, wouldn’t you agree?
I’m pleased to let all My web visitors know that My latest videos can now be watched on seriousmalebondage.com
While the site does require a subscription, it’s well worth it if you’re looking for videos of hot scenes and some of the most creative bondage positions imaginable. Oh and there’s also the added benefit of seeing Me – well, most of Me.
Special promotion: To mark the launch of My latest videos on the site, I’m offering 20% off my standard session fees for one month, starting today and ending on 4 November 2016. You can find more details below.
I recently wrote a blog that focused on taking subs and slaves to breaking point: that is to say the point at which the ‘victim’ can take no more of the teasing or torture and is now putty in My Dominant hands.
Of course, if you do not want to reach this point of total submission (and some might say liberation), the time-honoured solution is to use a safeword. This gives both the submissive and the Dominant partner in play the confidence to play ‘on the edge’ without taking an unnecessary or uncalculated risk.
As an aside and general rule, players that identify as slaves by their own preference do not get safewords after their first session with Me (even slaves get safewords when they first play with Me just so I can confirm if they really are a slave or a sub).
Now, for the sake of anyone and everyone that comes and sees Me for a session, I operate three main safewords: Amber, Red and Green.
Given the similarities with traffic lights, I’m going to draw on analogies from the world of cars to illustrate how My safewords work in practice.
- Amber is like the brake pedal. This enables the sub to slow down the scene when the intensity is becoming that little bit too much to bear. It doesn’t bring a halt to the scene, but it does give the sub the opportunity to enforce a break point so that they can regain their composure and continue with the scene without using the more severe ‘Red’ safeword.
- Red is like the emergency parking brake (or handbrake as it’s known in the UK). It stops a scene dead in its tracks. This may because we have inadvertently reached a sub’s hard limits or the compound effect of the scene has simply become too much. Contrary to popular belief, even a Red does not have to result in a permanent end to a scene, but it can. Whether I resume a scene really depends on how the sub is feeling, their ability to cope with what’s happening to them and of course, my reading of their true emotions and state of mind borne out of more than 20 years of play and a background in human psychology.
- Green is the accelerator pedal (or gas pedal in the US). I think I am the only person in the scene that has a safeword that allows the sub to say that, in essence, they want MORE. But in my opinion, it seemed a logical extension of the idea of having safewords. Some subs want to speed up a scene to get to the more intense points and Green gives Me and them the opportunity to have that happen without breaking the flow of the action.
So those are my safewords. The next question is obviously: ‘When is it acceptable to safeword?’
Now that is a very interesting question and will significantly extend the length of this post.
First of all, it’s worth noting that many of my clients come to Me with a desire to serve, and ultimately, please Me. That’s very laudable and after all what the D/s (Dominant/submissive) is supposed to be all about.
HOWEVER, I would rather someone use their safewords than worry about disappointing Me in all honesty. Few reasons:
- The sub hated what happened. This is very rare, but if the scene was, in its entirety, too extreme but the sub felt they could not safeword out of it, they are pretty unlikely to want to see Me again.
- New play partners need calibration. Whenever I agree to meet a professional client, I take great pains to get to know them over email, messaging and often, phone calls. This is a time-intensive and sometimes laborious process designed to get inside the head of the submissive client. However, even with all this pre-work, it can still not be immediately obvious how far and how strong the sub wants Me to play. So safewords, particularly Amber and Green help me gauge true limits, tolerances and yes, even courage of each individual with whom I play.
- There’s never any shame in using a safeword. Let me say that again: there is NO SHAME in using a safeword. They say that the best lessons come from our mistakes and in my many years of play, I’ve made enough that I’ve become adept at reading most situations. That said, I find that the use of safewords precipitates a much deeper and more profound dialogue with My clients that helps me get to the true core of their fantasies and desires.
So please, use your safewords and use them with pride. My belief is that once I’ve played with a client enough times, safewords become largely redundant, but if you do not have the confidence to use them, I’m never going to really know what your true limits are.
While I sometimes watch people nervously hovering around my front door, in reality one of the hardest barriers to visiting a professional male Dominant is mental rather than physical.
The idea can carry with it a whole gamut of emotions from embarrassment and shame to a giddy excitement that finally, all your fantasies are going to be realised by someone that really knows what they are doing.
The giddy excitement part of the spectrum is probably far less exciting – if genuinely flattering to Me – than say the more negative emotions at play in some subs, so for now let me focus there.
The ‘embarrassment and shame’ end of the spectrum tends to arise from a feeling that subs and slaves should be able to get their needs met from the ‘free’ world of instant hook-ups and online fetish sites.
I have thought long and hard about this and while I can fully empathise with that perspective, I simply don’t share it. Let me tell you why.
While I can’t speak for other professional male Dominants, with me, seeing a Dominant is manifestly an entirely different prospect for many different reasons:
- I customize the content of the scene to suit the desires and fantasies of the clients without jeopardizing the integrity of the Dominant/sub dynamic that lies at the heart of the fetish community.
- I will also dedicate all My time and focus to the sub or slave in front of Me, which means that unless the scene requires the sub to be ignored, I will be laser-focused on the sub/slave/client’s needs.
- When I’m in session with many of my subs and slaves, I tend to take on a role of teacher and therapist. I recognize that this could appear somewhat patronizing, but experience has taught Me that many people come to My chambers to exercise their kinks and exorcise some of their demons.
- I spend a great deal of time ahead of sessions getting to know each of my clients. That also includes everything from face-to-face coffees (if they’re close enough), long-term message exchanges and late-night phone calls.
- Aside from how I conduct myself before a scene, I also pay special attention to cleanliness and safety concerns.
Having worked in the corporate world for the best part of 20 years, I made a conscious decision to apply the same professional disciplines to how I am with my Pro-Dom clients when I started. So you can be rest-assured that when you go the pro route, you won’t just have the equivalent of a free session, you’ll have a much more exciting, engaging and memorable time than almost any amateur Dom could provide. Arrogant? Perhaps. True? Most definitely.
Master Atmydisposal has taken on a new alpha slave to add even more to the experience of visiting His chambers for His clients.
Alpha Slave “S” is on his own journey right now, but has great potential as a sub and also as The Master’s assistant when handling submissives and slaves like YOU. He is young, well-built, energetic and takes His instructions extremely well. Subject to his ability and The Master’s generosity, clients that book Master for at least one day can request him.
Recently, Alpha Slave “S” attended The Master’s Chambers for a photoshoot but got an awful lot more than he bargained for.
You can see a selection of pictures from the extremely horny session in the photo gallery (above).
If you would like to book a session with The Master and experience the delicious pleasures of Alpha Slave “S”, contact The Master NOW. He will book up extremely quickly.
There are times when a sub or slave says to me (usually nervously) “Sir, I want you to break me”. For the uninitiated, the sub is referring to that point where they go beyond all their previous limits. I don’t want people thinking that every session of mine is about reaching this limit, because it is not. But in the scenario I’m discussing here, the play has been so intense that the sub or slave has been tested, been able to progress beyond their usual limits and is now in unchartered territory.
The moment when the sub reaches the B Point can be feel like he’s adrift in an endless sea –just floating aimlessly and without a life preserver.
It is unnerving. The sub is exposed and vulnerable possibly for the first time in a long time because up to this point, they have submerged their emotions just to get on in life from day to day. Often, they don’t expect the intensity of the feelings that emerge. I’ve seen anger, despair, joy, relief and everything else you can possibly imagine.
At that point, they are frightened for so many reasons, yet open and receptive to anything I might choose to do them. Or they may close up emotionally and seek to protect themselves.
You see breaking someone in a BDSM context is not about hurting the sub per-se, it’s about doing a full mind and body reset. What I do is not violence.
Think of this process like an electrical system. If too much electricity passes down the wires, circuit breakers are tripped and the power goes off. It’s exactly the same with getting a sub or slave to the Breaking Point.
The pain and the stimuli are built up over time, slowly and gradually or fast and abruptly.
Inevitably, the subject reaches a point where they are unable to take what’s happening and all the usual coping mechanisms are beginning to fail. The sub’s fuse box (brain) overloads and the ‘reset’ is complete.
One of the more beautiful aspects to this is that because they are exposed (and reset), all of the many layers of adult protections and coping mechanisms just melt away.
I play with guys of all ages, but in my experience the response as they reach this point is very similar. The head goes down, the body language shifts and the person either tenses up or goes into a form of ultra-relaxation (a zen like state some people call subspace). Whether they become tense of relax is really down to the individual’s make-up and how open they are to the kind of experience they are about to have. If tense, the person may want to get the hell out of Dodge and fast. If relaxed, every touch at this point will feel electric and ecstatic.
It can be as if the sub is back to being a child before they became beaten up by all that the adult world chose to throw at them. Divorce. Job loss. Grief. Money worries and debt. Failed relationships. If we’ve reached a certain age, we’ve all experienced at least some of these things and yes, we long for a time when we can just be there in the moment and experiencing life without worry. Just like a child.
In this way, reaching the Breaking Point can bring about a palpable catharsis – whether they’ve reached that point through pain, intense stimuli, a mind game or something else like just the sound of my voice as I threaten them with ever more intense sensations.
What happens after the sub has reached the Breaking Point is always interesting too. Subs can feel such pride at having experienced such an intense set of sensations that they leave me feeling and looking like they’ve won a medal. The smiles are often beaming and I’m usually very generous with the hugs and reassurance. It’s a privilege to witness this moment as a Dom, no matter how apparently heartless you have had to be to get the sub or slave to that point.
It can cause serious levels of introspection and reflection. Yes, it can also cause a sub to decide not to return to Me again (but that is rare, what’s more common is that we talk about what happened and what triggered it).
Often these reflections continue days and weeks later.
You see good play is like good therapy: it helps people feel stronger and more centered in every aspect of their life because for the first time in a long time, they can once again be that happy go lucky version of themselves without a care in the world, just feeling in the moment and yes happy. Once again, they are letting themselves feel true emotions and after all, isn’t that what being alive is supposed to be about?
If you were to ask me why I love BDSM so much, it’s for times like these when I have someone’s spirit in my hand and I’m sharing such an emotional and healing moment. It doesn’t happen every time, some people just have their fun and leave, but when it does happen, it makes Me feel eight foot tall and proud of what the sub has achieved.
During the last few long client sessions the subject of submissive versus slave has come up with unusual levels of regularity. Granted, I often ask clients the role that they want to adopt, but nonetheless it seems many people are now more closely considering what it would be like to be ‘Slave for a day’ or two. So I thought I’d give my take on the distinctions and issues with both roles. They are very different in reality. It strikes me that people are feeling as uncertain as they did during the financial crisis now that the UK has taken the decision to change its relationship with the rest of the world through Brexit.
Now, I’m not going to turn my blog into a political polemic, but I often find that people come and see me when they desire to retreat from the stresses and strains of their everyday existence.
So, submissive versus slave:
A submissive is an active participant in every aspect of a session. They are more play partners than slaves. Not quite equal partners, but partners in what happens to each party. While some subs dream of being a slave, perhaps 90-95% of them are really submissives. They don’t ever surrender full control to Me. They lend it to me with the proviso that if things get tough, they can always take that power back (or run away screaming, if things get a little too intense). Subs get safewords and they get the opportunity to slow things down when it gets tough. With me, I build up a scene gradually, so I don’t often get to the point of an absolute stop, but I do find subs occasionally use safewords. Subs need to feel they have some kind of choice over what happens next – even if few really exercise that choice. It’s worth saying too that in our society, even the word submissive is very emotive and laden with undertones, so to some subs, being a sub is enough. Despite what people may think, I don’t judge a sub differently to a slave. I don’t see them as weaker and I understand totally why someone might find being a sub hard enough.
A slave is an active recipient of Me in a session. I want to make a distinction here between a slave in the first session (who has safewords) and a slave in the second and subsequent sessions (who does not). Slaves have to have 100% faith and trust in the skills, experience and compassion of their Dom. They need to know that they would not take them beyond the point of ‘no return’ to a place where actual damage – either mental or physical – is being done to them under the guise of slave ownership. Slavery is a hot fantasy and I have had the pleasure of playing with many hot slaves in my time. Young, virile and very beautiful young males that have the whole world in front of them and yet desire to give themselves to a Man like me that they judge to be their superior. But a prospective slave always needs to ask themselves a few key questions:
- Would you still be happy to be a slave after you have had the long-awaited orgasm?
- If I told you to wake Me up with an orgasm on a Sunday morning despite going to bed on Saturday at 4am, could you do it?
- If I told you to tidy my playrooms while I go to bed, could you do that?
- If I denied you access to Me for as long as I liked, would you still serve Me and Worship Me?
- Would you do everything and anything I asked without a moment’s hesitation even if it compromised you in some way?
If you can answer ‘Yes, without hesitation’ to these questions, then perhaps you are a slave after all.
A note about Fake Doms
It depresses me as someone that considers Himself to be both a Dominant and fairly decent sexual empath that there are so many people that call themselves Tops or Doms when in reality they are just abusers and employing forms of sexual violence to control another. I don’t do that, nor would I ever do that to a sub or slave in my charge. So even if you did become my slave, you would never be hurt in ways you would struggle to recover from. That’s not the same as saying I wouldn’t train you and push you to your upper tolerances, but I would not abuse you for my kicks or for fun.