These are a few of My favourite things, so stop asking!
In recent weeks, I’ve been asked what are my favourite things to do to a sub or slave about 100 times.
It’s actually driving Me a bit ‘potty’, in fact. Not least because most of my communications take place over messaging apps and only Grindr lets you save phrases for re-use (Recon et al please note!). So imagine Me having to type out an abridged version of this post every time I’m asked that question, small wonder my hands are aching.
I’ll be honest and say that I’m not a massive fan of this question.
After all, when you have over 700 items of gear and some quite unique equipment to boot, and you play with maybe 200-300 people a year, it’s hard to say exactly what My favourite thing (or more technically speaking, ‘scene’), is.
Inevitably, I find myself drawn to the rather non-committal and potentially unhelpful response of ‘it depends on the sub’.
But in a bid to develop a ‘definitive’ answer to this damn question, I thought I’d offer some fairly robust views on the topic. Of course, it could change, but you can bet that if asked this question, I shall be directing people to this blog post.
Everything I do involves some kind of restraint – either mental (act as if you’re in bondage – don’t move until I tell you, slave positions, etc), physical (metal, rubber, leather or rope) or sometimes furniture (stocks, bondage benches, and so on).
I love bondage. In all its forms and fashions. Back when the Big Bang happened (start of the universe) and I was a sub, I couldn’t really take even a severe CP session seriously unless I was properly tied down. But as soon as the straps when over my back, I was ready, like a thoroughbred in the stalls at the Grand National. You could have done your worst and all the pain would have turned into pleasure.
Now, as well as an experienced Master and pro-Dom, I’m a sexual sadist. These are words that you don’t see in print or on the Internet too readily. For reasons of well, total lack of societal acceptance. What I enjoy, however, is the infliction of pleasure and yes, sometimes that can also involve – shock horror – pain.
I make a massive distinction between consensual activity and either sexual violence or just plain abuse.
One of the most disappointing opening gambits for Me is when a prospective sub says they ‘don’t like pain’. I have to bite firmly on both lips so that I don’t respond with a curt or sharp, neither do I, reply.
I think pain gets a bad rap. I’m not talking about the kind of pain that one experiences when one stubs one’s toe and says things ‘like oo bugger one felt that’. I’m also not talking about the pain that comes from having your teeth drilled without local anaesthetic (unless you’re a dental fetishist, of course).
So let’s re-brand pain as sensation for a second. There are soft and hard ‘sensations’. Soft feels like a tickle, or a gentle warming. Hard feels sharp, stingy or thuddy, but it’s fleeting and the post sensation buzz far outweighs the short term discomfort. And yes, hard sensations can be challenging, but it’s not like being in a car accident.
So you’re tied down, and you’re experiencing some kind of sensation. So that’s it right?
Nope. I’ve written the most delayed of ‘delayed drops’ (as us writers like to call them) because really, my favourite thing in any scene is to take control of the sub or slave absolutely and without mercy.
So, when someone asks Me what my favourite thing to do in a scene, I will say ‘Total Power Exchange’.
Why? It’s quite simple. I become the guy who rubs the lamp and when the genie grants him three wishes says his first wish is for unlimited additional wishes.
Every imaginable scene, session or fetish is executable once you have TPE.
Once you have total control over the sub or slave, you can technically ‘make’ them do whatever you like. This is called, consensual non-consent. It can sometimes manifest as a ‘No, please Sir, no more’, kind of vibe, which translates as ‘More, please Sir, oh God, please More’. Confusing for the observer but that’s why us kinksters have safewords.
Once I have TPE, I can use a process of consensual non-consent to ‘subject’ the sub or slave to whatever I wish. They should then enjoy it. I’m not discounting all my previous writings about safewords and limits, by the way, but when it comes down to it, Total Power Exchange is the gateway to realising all of my favourite scenes, and that’s why it’s My ultimate ‘favourite thing’.
I’m sure I’ll still get the question every day, but at least I can just cut and paste a link and save my poor hands.