In My last post, I made some observations by way of summarising the year that was 2017.
In it, I mention some people that I said goodbye to and while sad, all those goodbyes were right for Me and the respective people involved.
This week, however, I received a message from another boy that I have played with on many occasions that bothered Me. It didn’t upset Me, it didn’t make Me angry, it just left Me with a tremendous sense of disappointment in the person because I felt I knew him better than that. If he ever reads this message, and I hope he does, then perhaps he will reflect on the right way to say goodbye, but at this moment in time, I don’t hold out much hope.
I am going to save all the gory details and summarise the message in a few bulletpoints:
- I can’t see you now or in the future because I have a boyfriend
- My boyfriend doesn’t like you
- I appreciate everything you’ve done
- But he is more important to Me than you
- So, I will be blocking you forever (this all took place on whatsapp)
- And will have no further contact
- If you don’t like it – well tough
Now, I’m paraphrasing a bit here, but not much. That was the tenor and strength of the message.
It was also sent at 0130 on the morning when he was due to see Me at 1000 the same morning. Presumably hoping I would be asleep in bed.
While I wasn’t in bed, I was heading to bed after a long session. So, I read the message. Read it again. Read it a third time. It was late, but it was more the content of the message and the tone of it that made it so hard to comprehend, not the time of night. And as I say, I was left with an overwhelming sense of two things: silly boy and if that’s what our time meant then probably best it did end.
You see, I am not naïve enough to expect kink relationships to last as long as traditional relationships can last. They often burn 10 times as bright as conventional relationships and therefore can burn out far more quickly.
That’s not to say I don’t ultimately want a long-term kink relationship; I do. I just also understand that most people are nowhere near as committed to this lifestyle as I am.
People move on for a whole host of reasons – yes, relationships; but also new jobs, change of scene; change in life direction and a whole host of other reasons. Fair enough, I say and good luck to you.
An old (and very annoying) manager once said to Me “It’s often not the what, it’s the how” and that statement has stuck with Me My entire life. Maybe it’s the young age of this sub that led him to send such an ill-judged message, maybe someone wrote it for him (because it was quite out of character), maybe he was lost and didn’t know what to do, or maybe he really just didn’t not care about Me and how I might receive his long missive, I may never know.
So, to help the next guy that decides he no longer wants to see Me, here’s a few hints on how to separate from your Dom:
- Treat him like a human being. Whether you’re seeing a Dom furtively outside a relationship or just for a bit of fun, there’s still a human being underneath all that leather. Treat him as such. How would you feel being treated like a disposable commodity? Just be open about what’s going on and honest.
- Phone him. I’m sorry but whatsapp, email and text messages are the coward’s way out. If you feel anything for the person or appreciated their time in any way, they deserve an explanation in the most direct means possible. If not face-to-face then at least a brief call.
- Think about what you are going to say in advance and be human. Doms understand that they are not the be all and end all of your life – especially younger subs – fair enough, but at least try to deliver the message in a compassionate way.
- Leave the lines of communication open. That’s a message to both sides. Don’t block people because you’re worried that you’ll get re-hooked on Me again. Be a grown up and open yourself up to follow-ups.
Even if all it was to you was a bit of fun, and even if that’s how the Dom felt, the reality is that connections form through play and they are still bonds. So, have some respect for the other person. If the 20-hole boot were on the other foot, I would let you down as gently as I could.
So why not afford Me and people like Me, the same courtesy?
One of mine, and I am sure most people’s most-abiding Christmas memories, is the film Mary Poppins. I’m sure you’ll recall the scene but in case you don’t, here’s a link:
The song is called The Perfect Nanny. Now, obviously I’m not looking for a nanny (bit beyond that) but I am looking for a boi/sub/life partner or whatever comes along. So I thought I’d take a leaf out of Jane and Michael …. Bank’s book. Some words are borrowed, some words are new.
If you want this choice position
Have a knowledge of slave positions
Rosy cheeks, front and back
Play games, all sorts
You must be smart, you must be witty
Very adorable and fairly pretty
Take us on adventures, give Me treats
Maybe sing songs, bring sweets
Always be brave, always strong
Take your punishment, all day long
Love Me as your Daddy and Dom
And never give me a hint of Brattishness
If I scold or Dominate you
You’ll take it as I’ve trained you
I won’t hurt your feelings
Just your behind
Nor will I betray you
Or poison your mind
Now don’t be late.
Come hither and enjoy your fate!
PS – I don’t expect you to arrive on a flying umbrella or be practically perfect in every way. Just close to.
PPS – All credit and copyright go to (c) Walt Disney Company.
It has been just over a year since I last blogged on My site. 2017 has literally flown by at a speed that has almost taken My breath away.
According to My records, I have seen 50 clients and over 125 bois (some old and some new in both respects). Small wonder I never seem to have a weekend to Myself.
Despite the fact I’ve been a pro Dom for a while now, I have learned a lot this year. Some lessons have been reminders of previous lessons, while others have been completely new experiences. I thought it might be useful to do My personal year in review, not chronologically because that would take too much time and actually is arbitrary, but rather by pulling out some highlights. A lot has happened this year, so I hope you will indulge Me a long post (with no pictures) as My attempt to make friends with My blog once again.
The moments that stood out for Me in 2017 are those when I watched one of My clients or one of My bois grow. Some of that involved departures and some of that involved new arrivals. Here’s a few of the most memorable.
- Goodbye alpha. One of the saddest moments was when I said goodbye to My alphasub. This boy was special and we had an intense connection almost from the word go. I’ve never really met anyone with such a positive disposition before, not to mention a desire to be tested that few of My other visitors could ever match. When I first played with him some two years ago, he didn’t even get to see Me. We did the whole day as an anonymous scene. Then, some 15 or so sessions later, he was volunteering for some extreme experiences that brought tears to his eyes and a tremendous sense of pride to Mine. So it was a sad moment when after some tender and intimate play, that I released him. He has met the Dom/man of his dreams and judging by the pictures of the bruises he shows Me, he’s well on his way to having the kind of kink relationships a boy can only dream about. I wish him well on his way to his bliss.
- Goodbye relationship. This was the year when I decided to see if a more traditional relationship with a younger guy might work. While it started favourably, the relationship deteriorated over time. There were many reasons, some on My side and some on his, but it wasn’t the age gap that was the issue: it was the maturity gap. I’ve played with guys in their 30s that should be mature and guys in their early 20s that should be immature, but age really is just a number. Maturity seems to be something else entirely. Like so many things it comes down to the individual. And unfortunately, this individual wasn’t ready for the kind of commitments I expected him to make in either a kink or every day context. He left My presence and came back a few times each time promising to recommit, but in reality, he was ‘undercooked’ and simply not ready to play at My level of intensity. He now knows, however, what kink is all about and has a far better grasp on what he wants from his kink life.
- Goodbye infatuation. I recently became infatuated with someone that emigrated. Of all these goodbye stories, that was perhaps the hardest. This boi got Me. He understood what made Me tick better than anyone I’d ever met. And, even though I knew it couldn’t continue because his entire life was promised to another; it didn’t stop Me falling head over heels in love with him for a time. After all, the kinky sex, our play, our alone time and even our social time was better than almost anything I’d ever experienced. And he was such a lovely person. Anyone would have loved him. When he was with Me one day and on a plane the next, it was hard. Really very hard for a time. Dealing with his disappearance was also not helped by the fact that every time I opened My photos on My phone, pictures of him in gear would pop up liberally. But, our life together, albeit fleeting was quite spectacular and I would never wish to change any of it. It turns out that he was nervous to approach Me at the outset (which to Me seems odd, after all, I know what I am like) and so we missed out on perhaps another six to twelve months of play. Yet perhaps that was really no bad thing. I’d only have fallen more in love with him had I spent more time with him and it would have made the whole situation even more painful than it was. He will now go on to marry his boyfriend and I am sure they will end up with lovely kids and a very happy, if perhaps more vanilla life.
- Hello new masochist. This was a late development in the year. I approached a guy through his husband on one of the social media hook-up apps and ended up chatting with him about all his kinks. At first, I couldn’t quite get a handle on him and on what he was really seeking. The fact he was married (and had two kids) kind of confused Me. But having met him twice now for two full weekends; I am pleased to see him starting a path to ownership. It’s early days, but judging by the challenging and intense nature of our play, and his positive reaction to it, I have every chance of turning him into the kind of masochist that enables Me to let rip with the more excessive elements of My sadistic persona. If you want to know more about our kind of play, do look at My twitter feed (@atmydisposalSir) and you can some (but not all) of the things we’ve done. I have high hopes and expectations for this boi and I fully expect he will deliver on both. Sometimes, when you meet a new play partner, you can tell whether it’s going to be a one-off, a year or a lifetime. I think with this sub, there’s every possibility our kink exchanges will last a lifetime.
- Hello new equipment. Anyone that knows Me, knows I buy a lot of gear. I am pretty much always on the lookout for new and interesting equipment to spice up a scene and this year was definitely no exception. I would encourage you to visit my twitter profile (once again I’m @atmydisposalSir) to see some of it in action. For here, a list will suffice:
- Fetters leather lined suspension sleepsack
- Scaffolding cage complete with eight attachable cross bars and collar, wrist and ankle cuffs that attach to said bars
- Mr S scream hood with attached lockable leather mitts
- Boxing gloves/sparring kit and free standing punch bag
- Rubber sleepsack with nipple zips and lacing
- Electro forceps (for those moments when the extreme pinch of surgical forceps just isn’t enough)
- A pair of Estimsystems 2B electro boxes along with various size of insertable electro sounds and anal plugs
- Multiple new chastity cages
- Mr S jock in small
- Over 1500 GBP of new rubber to fit twink boys
- 10 new rubber catsuits in Large, XL, medium and small
- Inflatable rubber mitts
- Dainese 2-piece and 1 piece motorcycle leathers
- Californian Highway Patrolman Motorcycle boots
- Fetters fuckbench
- Fetter spanking bench
- A set of 10 thick Mr S belts
- Segufix human restraints set attached to a bed recovered from a prison riot
- … and so the list goes on…
- As you can probably tell, that’s just a sampling of the list of gear that was acquired this year.
- Hello new playrooms. As well as the main playroom and the cell, this year saw the introduction (or sacrifice) of another room for play. The Grey Room is designed for punishment and long-term bondage. Victims can spend hours in that room fulfilling all of their hearts desires. Unlike the Main Playroom, which I am now calling the Red Room, it has been designed to be more clinical and less busy on the eyes. It’s quite a scary and configurable room too. It has been used for clinical, interrogation, long-term bondage, medical restraint and of course, CP play. Over Christmas and New Year, I will be making some major updates to this website (thanks to the acquisition of some rather whizzy new technology), so look out for those.
- Hello new Me. We are always learning and even though I consider Myself an experienced and dedicated professional Dominant, I’ve learned a lot from My subs. Like the Oscars, it’s impossible to call them all out by name, but I feel sure they all know who they are and I thank them for lending Me their submission and for brightening the occasional dark days with their total and utter devotion. I’d also like to highlight some of My clients in particular that I’ve seen grow and get closer to their full potential – one is into sailing and the other is into wine – in case they were unsure. Both of these guys came to Me confused about life and their place within it. They had been undervaluing themselves on a consistent basis to meet others’ needs instead of their own. By seeing Me and by being challenged by Me, they have become much closer to their true selves and while they have done the vast majority of the work required to get to this point, I am happy that I had a hand in these particular transformations. Long may their progress continue.
I really have no idea what 2018 might bring in terms of clients, bois or life challenges, but you know what, 2017 has proved to be a pretty decent year.