I don’t normally write more than one blog post a week, but this really warrants the breaking of My own rule.
While I consider Myself to be a fairly political animal overall, I have hitherto steered completely clear of engaging in any form of activism or protest about anything, really.
I’ve never attended Pride (guys in tutus scare Me), or been to a Fight the War protest, campaigned for CND or even thought about the little fluffy animals for longer than a few seconds.
I’m not uncaring or dispassionate, I just have a full dance card.
I’ve never felt the need to assert My rights about anything. We’re all subjects of the Crown and all that. Live with it. Even the Investigatory Powers Act was a bit annoying, but I figure, if people want to read My texts about when a friend is coming around to play so be it.
Despite My fundamental disagreements with Brexiteers, I’ve even adjusted to the reality of that nonsense.
I’m officially middle-aged, never had so much as a Police caution and the idea of going before anyone that resembles a judge fills Me with total and mitigating dread. Criminal mastermind I most certainly am not.
That said, I’ve become aware of some impending legislation that so encroaches upon My lifestyle that I am going to have to take a stand, as miserable as that is likely to make Me. So yes, you can now call Me, ‘The Reluctant Activist’.
I’ll leave the technical details to experts in the field like Myles Jackman, the lawyer that specialises in defending people accused of committing acts of obscenity and the like. His website (mylesjackman.com) offers some very useful guidance on recent legislation. It’s worth reading his site to understand exactly what the laws permit and disallow.
So what’s happening that has irritated Me so?
Well, not content with deciding that we can’t play the way we want to (nothing but trivial/trifling acts of CP, nothing that gives the appearance of being injurious to health – aka, life-threatening, and so on), the Government has now decided that it’s perfectly within its rights to demand that all people that consume pornography must prove their age by some as yet, unspecified age verification service with unspecified costs and implications.
Soon, us kinksters partial to the odd ‘naughty video’ will have to hand over the kind of ID they ask for in a bank just to get through the ‘Great Firewall of Theresa May’.
What’s even worse is that anyone that signs up to these age verification sites will have no right to keep that information private because it will be stored online by third parties and presumably accessible by any law enforcement agency or private enterprise that’s bored and wants a few easy hits on the Gay community. Because let’s face it: us gays watch A LOT of porn.
Essentially, if you think about it, the Government, in its Digital Economy Bill, is going to create a second kind of private sexual offences register for anyone that likes to watch anyone else having ‘rough sex’. So that’s pretty much any gay man then.
And, anyone that watches porn could find themselves on it because let’s face it HM Government isn’t best qualified to determine what’s appropriate or regulate that activities of My bedroom or My playroom.
Aside from the practical limitations of enforcing such a ‘Great Firewall’, it sends chills down My spine that a so-called democracy like the UK, should seem intent on taking away civil liberties in such an idiotic and ill-conceived fashion using ‘protecting the kiddies’ as it’s wafer-thin justification. It must be easier to regulate peoples’ bedroom activities than catch terrorists.
While it may get stopped at the pass like the attempts to ban poppers or may go down in history as a piece of legislation as bad as the Dangerous Dogs Act, I’d rather it never got on the statute book in the first place.
I’m not talking about child pornography. It shouldn’t need stressing, but I will anyway for the hard of understanding, that I make a total and unambiguous distinction between the disgusting and morally-reprehensible, such as child pornography, bestiality, etc and the kind of material the right-behaving (if pervy) minority consume that’s filmed between consenting adults and viewed by other consenting adults.
Of course, we should be protecting children from seeing things they shouldn’t see, so how about we start by banning Facebook, YouTube, SnapChat, etc. etc. After all, that’s what’s making our kids grow up so fast, not porn.
Hell, for that matter let’s not just ban porn, let’s ban the Internet in the UK as a whole and see where that gets us in world economic standings.
After all, whatever measures the Government puts in place will only act to criminalise normal behaviour even further. And those kids, being on the whole way more technically literate than us adults, will just find ways around the laws.
So, in reality, they won’t be protecting children, they will just be demonising law abiding, tax-paying citizens, who enjoy the kinky side of life and cause no harm to the wider society as a whole – unless they wear those damn aforementioned tutus of course.
It seems so disappointingly sad and so deeply retrograde that as films (as terrible as they are) like 50 Shades open up society’s understanding of kinky sex and make it easy to discuss around the dinner table, and as legislation supporting same-sex marriage beds in, the Government once again is trying to get busy with Me in my bed.
And, I’m not talking about the kind of fucking I enjoy.
The first thing to go when a free society becomes a dictatorship is the ability to consume pornography without looking over your shoulders.
We should all – gay, straight, monk, gender-flexible, broom handle, whatever – do everything we can to stop this legislation ever passing through parliament.
So Dear Government, would you be so kind as to do me a favour, and get the fuck out of my sex life once and for all?
To put My ‘Reluctant Activist’ chops to the test, I shall be attending the #KinkOlympixxx Protest on October 17th outside the Houses of Parliament between 12 and 2pm.
If anyone sees Me there and recognises Me – for God sake come and talk to Me. For once, I shall be a virgin again: protest virgin, so be gentle.
I’m told there are going to be kinky people there and you know what, I’m told that I should be scared of those kinds of people. Or at least, that’s what I’m supposed to tell the kids. What utter, unmitigated, clap-trapping, cods-walloping, rubbish.
As well as Myles Jackman’s website, please take a look at the following websites:
- Digital Economy Bill: https://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/bills/cbill/2016-2017/0045/17045.pdf
- Backlash (Kink Olympixxx): http://www.kinkolympixxx.com/
- Open Rights Group: https://www.openrightsgroup.org/blog/2016/overview-of-the-digital-economy-bill-2016
- Xbiz: http://www.xbiz.com/news/212809
A TV and musical post-script
I recently heard two quotes from popular culture that made Me, as an unashamed kinkster, stop right in My tracks. I offer both perspectives for your consumption below and make absolutely no claim to copyright. I hope the owners will appreciate that I am sharing these clips to support a point, not to glean commercial benefit. However, if either or both want me to remove these posts, I will do so without a moment’s hesitation.
West Wing on Privacy – Talking about the next 20 Years: How right they were
Edward Snowden talking about our collective duty to take our privacy seriously
In recent weeks, I’ve been asked what are my favourite things to do to a sub or slave about 100 times.
It’s actually driving Me a bit ‘potty’, in fact. Not least because most of my communications take place over messaging apps and only Grindr lets you save phrases for re-use (Recon et al please note!). So imagine Me having to type out an abridged version of this post every time I’m asked that question, small wonder my hands are aching.
I’ll be honest and say that I’m not a massive fan of this question.
After all, when you have over 700 items of gear and some quite unique equipment to boot, and you play with maybe 200-300 people a year, it’s hard to say exactly what My favourite thing (or more technically speaking, ‘scene’), is.
Inevitably, I find myself drawn to the rather non-committal and potentially unhelpful response of ‘it depends on the sub’.
But in a bid to develop a ‘definitive’ answer to this damn question, I thought I’d offer some fairly robust views on the topic. Of course, it could change, but you can bet that if asked this question, I shall be directing people to this blog post.
Everything I do involves some kind of restraint – either mental (act as if you’re in bondage – don’t move until I tell you, slave positions, etc), physical (metal, rubber, leather or rope) or sometimes furniture (stocks, bondage benches, and so on).
I love bondage. In all its forms and fashions. Back when the Big Bang happened (start of the universe) and I was a sub, I couldn’t really take even a severe CP session seriously unless I was properly tied down. But as soon as the straps when over my back, I was ready, like a thoroughbred in the stalls at the Grand National. You could have done your worst and all the pain would have turned into pleasure.
Now, as well as an experienced Master and pro-Dom, I’m a sexual sadist. These are words that you don’t see in print or on the Internet too readily. For reasons of well, total lack of societal acceptance. What I enjoy, however, is the infliction of pleasure and yes, sometimes that can also involve – shock horror – pain.
I make a massive distinction between consensual activity and either sexual violence or just plain abuse.
One of the most disappointing opening gambits for Me is when a prospective sub says they ‘don’t like pain’. I have to bite firmly on both lips so that I don’t respond with a curt or sharp, neither do I, reply.
I think pain gets a bad rap. I’m not talking about the kind of pain that one experiences when one stubs one’s toe and says things ‘like oo bugger one felt that’. I’m also not talking about the pain that comes from having your teeth drilled without local anaesthetic (unless you’re a dental fetishist, of course).
So let’s re-brand pain as sensation for a second. There are soft and hard ‘sensations’. Soft feels like a tickle, or a gentle warming. Hard feels sharp, stingy or thuddy, but it’s fleeting and the post sensation buzz far outweighs the short term discomfort. And yes, hard sensations can be challenging, but it’s not like being in a car accident.
So you’re tied down, and you’re experiencing some kind of sensation. So that’s it right?
Nope. I’ve written the most delayed of ‘delayed drops’ (as us writers like to call them) because really, my favourite thing in any scene is to take control of the sub or slave absolutely and without mercy.
So, when someone asks Me what my favourite thing to do in a scene, I will say ‘Total Power Exchange’.
Why? It’s quite simple. I become the guy who rubs the lamp and when the genie grants him three wishes says his first wish is for unlimited additional wishes.
Every imaginable scene, session or fetish is executable once you have TPE.
Once you have total control over the sub or slave, you can technically ‘make’ them do whatever you like. This is called, consensual non-consent. It can sometimes manifest as a ‘No, please Sir, no more’, kind of vibe, which translates as ‘More, please Sir, oh God, please More’. Confusing for the observer but that’s why us kinksters have safewords.
Once I have TPE, I can use a process of consensual non-consent to ‘subject’ the sub or slave to whatever I wish. They should then enjoy it. I’m not discounting all my previous writings about safewords and limits, by the way, but when it comes down to it, Total Power Exchange is the gateway to realising all of my favourite scenes, and that’s why it’s My ultimate ‘favourite thing’.
I’m sure I’ll still get the question every day, but at least I can just cut and paste a link and save my poor hands.
I’m pleased to let all My web visitors know that My latest videos can now be watched on seriousmalebondage.com
While the site does require a subscription, it’s well worth it if you’re looking for videos of hot scenes and some of the most creative bondage positions imaginable. Oh and there’s also the added benefit of seeing Me – well, most of Me.
Special promotion: To mark the launch of My latest videos on the site, I’m offering 20% off my standard session fees for one month, starting today and ending on 4 November 2016. You can find more details below.
I recently wrote a blog that focused on taking subs and slaves to breaking point: that is to say the point at which the ‘victim’ can take no more of the teasing or torture and is now putty in My Dominant hands.
Of course, if you do not want to reach this point of total submission (and some might say liberation), the time-honoured solution is to use a safeword. This gives both the submissive and the Dominant partner in play the confidence to play ‘on the edge’ without taking an unnecessary or uncalculated risk.
As an aside and general rule, players that identify as slaves by their own preference do not get safewords after their first session with Me (even slaves get safewords when they first play with Me just so I can confirm if they really are a slave or a sub).
Now, for the sake of anyone and everyone that comes and sees Me for a session, I operate three main safewords: Amber, Red and Green.
Given the similarities with traffic lights, I’m going to draw on analogies from the world of cars to illustrate how My safewords work in practice.
- Amber is like the brake pedal. This enables the sub to slow down the scene when the intensity is becoming that little bit too much to bear. It doesn’t bring a halt to the scene, but it does give the sub the opportunity to enforce a break point so that they can regain their composure and continue with the scene without using the more severe ‘Red’ safeword.
- Red is like the emergency parking brake (or handbrake as it’s known in the UK). It stops a scene dead in its tracks. This may because we have inadvertently reached a sub’s hard limits or the compound effect of the scene has simply become too much. Contrary to popular belief, even a Red does not have to result in a permanent end to a scene, but it can. Whether I resume a scene really depends on how the sub is feeling, their ability to cope with what’s happening to them and of course, my reading of their true emotions and state of mind borne out of more than 20 years of play and a background in human psychology.
- Green is the accelerator pedal (or gas pedal in the US). I think I am the only person in the scene that has a safeword that allows the sub to say that, in essence, they want MORE. But in my opinion, it seemed a logical extension of the idea of having safewords. Some subs want to speed up a scene to get to the more intense points and Green gives Me and them the opportunity to have that happen without breaking the flow of the action.
So those are my safewords. The next question is obviously: ‘When is it acceptable to safeword?’
Now that is a very interesting question and will significantly extend the length of this post.
First of all, it’s worth noting that many of my clients come to Me with a desire to serve, and ultimately, please Me. That’s very laudable and after all what the D/s (Dominant/submissive) is supposed to be all about.
HOWEVER, I would rather someone use their safewords than worry about disappointing Me in all honesty. Few reasons:
- The sub hated what happened. This is very rare, but if the scene was, in its entirety, too extreme but the sub felt they could not safeword out of it, they are pretty unlikely to want to see Me again.
- New play partners need calibration. Whenever I agree to meet a professional client, I take great pains to get to know them over email, messaging and often, phone calls. This is a time-intensive and sometimes laborious process designed to get inside the head of the submissive client. However, even with all this pre-work, it can still not be immediately obvious how far and how strong the sub wants Me to play. So safewords, particularly Amber and Green help me gauge true limits, tolerances and yes, even courage of each individual with whom I play.
- There’s never any shame in using a safeword. Let me say that again: there is NO SHAME in using a safeword. They say that the best lessons come from our mistakes and in my many years of play, I’ve made enough that I’ve become adept at reading most situations. That said, I find that the use of safewords precipitates a much deeper and more profound dialogue with My clients that helps me get to the true core of their fantasies and desires.
So please, use your safewords and use them with pride. My belief is that once I’ve played with a client enough times, safewords become largely redundant, but if you do not have the confidence to use them, I’m never going to really know what your true limits are.